All Entries in the "Hard News" Category

Bruins never replace divots

But how’s his short game? Black bear wanders the greens at Divide Golf Club on Log Hill Mesa

Ridgway Cologne Hits Apple

(Pleasant Valley —  August 10, 2015) Virgin batches of Uncompahgre Spring and Cow Creek Obsession dominate the shelves in New York City. The regional and fractionally distilled liquids sell out in minutes, allowing the experimental perfume to blaze its place among metaphorical abstractions worldwide.
And its all concocted using seasonal recurring natural resources recycled after intricate exposure to just enough sun and rain. The only real expense, besides shipping and marketing, is the cooking apparatus and, of course the little glass bottles and pretty stoppers.
The exotic fragrance, hydro-diffused and steam distilled, uses a blend of natural and indigenous elements found on the ground in local parks after the snow melts. The national interest in things Western and rustic is booming at present, as indicated by the burgeoning sales figures. Some 73,000 bottles (at $150 per ounce) were sold almost before the fashion accessory exhibit opened for business before the weekend.
Uncompahgre Spring is crafted from the fiery waters of thermal dimension. Combined with volatile liquids and the compacted variables harvested from the thawed, soggy ground at just the right time, the perfume relies on bark, moss, leaves, seed, discarded opinions, decomposed fertilizers (domestic and wild) and pine needles.
The much-anticipated Cow Creek Obsession on the other hand, relies on aromatic compounds from assorted plants, interspersing a floral, musk-like fragrance to make its statement on the scented runway of high fashion. Both aromas overflow with uncontrolled passion, the level of which puts the wearer on the verge of collapse, of total destruction.
“This fragrance burns down the house,” said Rudy Morenci, who first began blending aboriginal materials in his barn in 1980. “This ain’t no toilet water,” stressed the happy-go-lucky, pearly handled, tobacco-spitting, cowpuncher that often rides the range in front of the local drugstore.
“It’s a mystery to me how these people can afford to buy little bottles of smell good juice,” laughed Morenci, Tuesday’s breakfast still prominently displayed on Friday’s grizzly beard.
“I think some of them is drinking the stuff.”
Morenci told investors that, upon the receipt of his first royalty check he would dig a hole and bury his clothes.
“I’m going to have 200 horses and one cow. Then I’ll start living the good life,” he said.

Las personas de edad, presentar rasgos comunes

(Ciencia de la Ciencia – Montrose, Colorado – 10 de enero 2015)
La mayoría de las personas son cada vez mayores, según un estudio realizado recientemente por un servicio nacional de internamiento. Los resultados, aunque no sorprende, representan los primeros datos de corte transversal recogidos sobre el tema.
Que todo el mundo tiene la misma fiesta de despedida al final es un lodazal menudo mencionar que reparte la igualdad sin prejuicio hacia la raza, color, credo u origen sexual / preferencia.
“Hemos encontrado que en todos los casos los participantes fueron cada vez mayores sobre una base anual,” compartió un encuestador. “Algunos siguen a mentir sobre su edad como si eso pudiera de alguna manera aplazar su llamada de la cortina cósmica”.
Hay indicios de que los jóvenes pasan mucho tiempo tratando de parecer más viejo, mientras que las personas mayores pasan casi la misma cantidad de tiempo tratando de parecer más joven. Los investigadores compararon el comportamiento a la de las mujeres asiáticas que cubren sus rostros en el sol mientras que el aceite de coco nieve blancos europeos don en salones persecución tratando de traer un poco de color a París.
Un hombre, que dijo que había olvidado su nombre, dijo a La Herradura, “Soy 87 años y no me preocupo por este tipo de cosas. La muerte es la única cosa que no tenemos que perder de vista. Vendrá a encontrar cuando llegue el momento
Llega “-. Ripple Van Winkle

“Francamente, estoy un poco cabreado con las masas.” – Karl Marx

next month

SPARTAN PICNICS…HOW TO EAT ANYTHING THIS SUMMER
Digestive tips and culinary shortcuts on everything from fleas to 747s
Miramonte Crawfish Bisque Festival Sold Out
PROFITS WILL GO TOWARD NORWOOD HILL GONDOLA
Doggie Vacations Even a Mutt Can Afford
Plus Expose ’99: The new line of chew toys is here!
BOOM VOYAGE – Day Trips for the Timid
AND
Dead Presidents Weigh In on Clinton’s Integrity
A FUZZY PICTORIAL ACCOUNT
The History on Moonshining in Ouray County
Celebrities Incognito through October
MAKING SENSE OF SLOTH ATTACKS
PLUS ONE WHOLE LOT MORE TO EAT, DRINK, ROLL IN,
FALL FROM AND BE AFRAID TO APPROACH.
Pick up your very own copy where opinions are laundered.

GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS

Here’s the good news first: The federal government does not work on weekends. Imagine the fiscal state of this country if it performed its duties round the clock. Here’s the bad news: Most of you have already missed the Heeney (Colorado) Tick Festival which was held on July 12. There are some things in this life that you can do something about. Call the Heeney Chamber of Commerce and make reservations for 2016.

LETTERS TO THE PEA GREEN ANSWER MAN

Dear Pea Green Answer Man,
What would happen if an irresistible force met an immovable object?
Polly Pureheart
Ridgway

Dear Polly,
This question presupposes impossible conditions, according to all known laws of matter and energy. The terms irresistible force and immovable object are mutually exclusive. If a force is irresistible, it will move any object in its path; or, in other words, there can be no immovable object in respect to an irresistible force. On the other hand, if an object is immovable, no force can move it; which is another way of saying that there is no irresistible force in respect to an immovable object. Since the existence of the two conditions cannot take place at the same time, it is impossible to say what would happen if they did exist. The question is reduced to an absurdity by a careful definition of the terms. You cannot conceive of an irresistible force meeting an immovable object any more than you can conceive of two men, each one taller than the other.
Pea Green Answer Man
Dear Pea Green Answer Man,
When did the United States Government use camels for military purposes?
Prince Fizzle
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

Dear Prince,
Before the Civil War, the Federal Government attempted to introduce camels into the United States for use on “the great American desert.” It was believed that communication across the continent could be greatly facilitated by the use of camels, which could carry heavier loads than horses or mules, travel greater distances and go longer without water. The experiment was in charge of the War Department, Jefferson Davis, who was then Secretary of War, being one of the most ardent advocates of the scheme. In 1856 and 1857 two shiploads of camels—seventy-five in all—were imported from Egypt and Asia Minor and landed at Indianola on the coast of Texas. Greek and Turkish camel drivers were brought over from the Near East to drive the animals. A station for the camels was established at Camp Verde, sixty miles west of San Antonio. Tests showed that camels were fitted for work in that region. On one expedition, they crossed Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona to the Colorado, and their behavior was highly commended by the Army officer in charge. The camel experiment failed, however, because of adverse public opinion and because of the outbreak of the Civil War. Some of the camels were sold to circuses or individuals, while the rest were turned at large. For many years some of these “wild camels” were occasionally seen in the mountains of Arizona. Notwithstanding reports to the contrary, it is believed that the animals are now extinct.
Pea Green Answer Man

Dear Pea Green Answer Man,
What does biting the thumb at mean?
Fingers Malone
Silverton, CO

Dear Fingers,
Biting the thumb at another was an old method of expressing defiance and contempt with a view of provoking a quarrel. The manner of expressing the insult is explained by Randle Cotgrave in his French-English dictionary, first published in 1611. Under the word nique, signifying a sign of mockery or contempt, Cotgrave says biting the thumb at means “to threaten or defy by putting the thumbed nail into the mouth and with a jerk (from the upper teeth) make it to knack.” During the gesture, the eyes were fixed on the person at whom the insult was aimed. In Shakespeare’s day, it was a regular practice among the young swashbucklers of London to start quarrels by biting their thumbs at rival factions as they strolled on St. Paul’s Walk. It was a disgrace to let such an insult pass unnoticed. In Romeo and Juliet the great dramatist makes Sampson say, “I will bite my thumb at them; which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.” If the person thus insulted had a drop of honor in his blood, a duel or battle resulted, such as was often fought on the streets of fair Verona between the households of Montague and Capulet.
Pea Green Answer Man

Dear Pea Green Answer Man,
How often is the White House painted?
Sarah P.
East Dakota

Dear Sarah
It is customary for the Government to have the exterior of the White House painted every second year. Many people erroneously suppose that the building is whitewashed. The paint used is composed of white lead, linseed oil, and turpentine. Two coats are applied. Before any paint is put on, the surface is brushed with steel brushes and then sandpapered and dusted to remove all loose and weathered paint, dirt and other deposits of foreign matter. No application of paint is made until the surface is thoroughly dry. The paint used for the first coat is made by breaking up one hundred pounds of pure white lead of the best quality in about three and a half gallons of thinner composed of equal parts of pure linseed oil and turpentine. For the second coat one hundred pounds of white lead is broken up in three and a half gallons of pure linseed oil to which one pint of turpentine is added.
Pea Green Answer Man