All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
Homage to Antioquia
River of Rooftops in Salamina, Caldas, Colombia
The fevered pitch of Colombia, loud, inspired life in second helpings, is all around us.
After a week in beautiful Barrio Laurales, in the impressive city of Medellin, we are cruising the mountains of Antioquia. The green, windy paths open and close, the old men in the square welcome our bus with a stare, as if it were the first ever to pass through their little pueblo. But they are busy enough without us. They must pay daily visits to people and places today just like they have done for decades. They must lean on their canes under their Monte Cristos while their wives run the show from kitchen councils and patio palaces.
Here in Colombia altitude is everything where comfort is concerned. One can spend time in the steamy heat of Caribbean beaches or linger on hot chocolate rivers, muddied from the rain. For most Western Coloradans that option would quickly lose its luster in favor of green, dome mountains and cool, fresh climates.
Jerico, Antioquia, Colombia
Already I have experienced dirt ridges that make Red Mountain Pass look like Kansas. A rattletrap bus bounces along a dirt road filled with chuckholes and bumps left by the Conquistadors . The road twists and curves like fast waves on an asphalt beach up high somewhere in the clouds. The mountains rise and descend as we passed great forests of green, giant leaves soaring, and water flowing in the Rio Cauca. The light breezes catch up with the sun in the up and down seasick soliloquy of tortoiselike kilometers.
They often shoot video of the passengers on these buses so as to easier sort out who is who in case the thing goes over the side of the cliff. Unfortunately my driver’s video camera was broken and we had to dispense with the practice. The homage to Antioquia is full of surprises, some good, some not so good.
I’ve lived in the mountains for the better part of my life but after this hair ride I was forced into the Bar Horizonte located on the plaza next to the Stand Up Tavern in La Merced.
Today mi amarante y yo wake up in the lovely town of Jerico, about 70 miles (3 hours on mountain roads) southwest of Medellin. This sparkled postcard village is perched on the side of a mountain with strenuous stairways and charming terrazas, parks and plazas. The clop-clop of horses’ hooves on cobblestone is accompanied by the obnoxious roar of motorcycles bouncing off the canyon streets.
Our two knowledgeable museum guides are 11 and 10 years old. The youthful duo waltz us through anthropological antiquities, accented by comments peppered with schoolbook English. We give them each a Kennedy half dollar and they are pleased by the gratuity.
It will be a busy day here. First we eat a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs, cheese, arepas (corn muffin tortillas) and coffee con leche (no sugar please). Then it’s time to ride the gondola that creeps up the side of one of these emerald slopes. Later we visit Henry Espinosa’s Hotel Bohio for lunch where we meet Victor “the greatest cowboy of Jerico”.
The Terraza in Jerico, Colombia
A walk up a hill past the curious stares of women window watchers to the Tango man nets a beer, a rum and Carlos Gardel before our siesta. Tonight we plan to have dinner at La Gruta, a restaurant just opened by David and Julianne two new Colombian friends. (He lived for 10 years in South Carolina.)
Yeah I know that it sounds like all we do is eat. That is not true. We log 3 to 4 miles a day wandering the sweet, spiraled, noisy streets of Jerico. Cevere! More later…
Eagles Spot 118 DOW Workers
(Gunnison, CO Raptors and Rodents Review January 20, 2015) Local eagles estimate 118 separate sightings along the river alone. That’s the number of Colorado Division of Wildlife officials spotted since August 25, according to a lightly plagiarized piece appearing in Yield and Scream Magazine.
The figure represents a 23% increase over the same period last season.
“We wait for the DOW flocks to land, sedate them, tag them and check them for various indicators before letting them go,” squawked one bald eagle extending his wings for emphasis.
The eagles have discovered three new species of DOW birds since the program began in 1996; the year authorities noticed a drastic drop in DOW species wintering here. Many of the DOW herds were relocating to other parts of the country where real estate was cheaper and the food was in greater supply. Today the population is double that of 1996, a detail that the eagles
cannot explain but take full credit for orchestrating.
The once-endangered genus generally resides in towns and cities and enjoys roosting in desks and pickups. An observant, patient shutterbug can get a great shot at dawn and dusk when the species is migrating to and from nesting areas.
“We won’t quit until we’ve tagged every one of them,” said an eagle scout reconnoitering like nobody’s business out the backfields. “Even the seasonal ones. Can’t talk now. There’s shrew out here. You ever ate shrew?”
The DOW birds are easily identified as they grow longer green coverage as the colder weather sets in. Often the plumage extends to headgear and, of corpse, eye protection. During particularly wet years the DOW bird grows rubber feet, not webbed but anchored by tread of second skin.
As the relentless tagging comes to a compassionate close the eagles will continue an independent study of migration patterns and embarrassing mating rituals common to the this odd group.
“I hate the outdoors. To me, the outdoors is where the car is.” – Will Durst
Montrose Man Pays Off National Debt
(Uncompahgre Plateau — Colorado Bankers Dozen — January 20, 2015) A retired railroad worker who “came into a few dollars recently” has reportedly paid the United States’ government’s overdue bills, thus erasing the national debt.
In addition he paid back all loans from banks and other countries in the hope that the imbalance of trade could be corrected or at least lightened before the end of the fiscal year.
The generous patriot, who demanded anonymity, set precedent Friday morning by writing a check for an estimated $3.4 billion, which undresses the current debt. The surprised bank teller that handled the negotiation checked the status of the donor’s account and stamped her approval on the check receipt.
“He simply grew tired of watching entities like Gramm-Rudman coming down with all the credit status crap,” said an attorney for the check writer. “It was the right thing to do and the money was just sitting in the bank. We waited a week or two to accrue a bit more interest then sent the check.”
Unreliable sources within the Department of the Treasury were shocked when the check arrived in Washington yesterday. The agency plans to start cutting checks to creditors as early as this evening.
“We are currently waiting for this monster check to clear then we will move,” said a treasury official. “We can pay off this silly debt and fire about 12,000 accountants currently employed in the Deficits Bureau in Omaha or Tacoma or someplace weird. That alone will save us millions in salaries and benefits.”
President Obama is pushing legislation that would erect a substantial monument to “a generous American” on the West Lawn. He hinted that the donor might even appear on the new $25 bill, replacing Millard Fillmore in that capacity. The President attempted to call the philanthropist personally this week but found that the secretive benefactor’s phone had been cut off for lack of payment. Undaunted the President sent a photo of himself and a note of profuse, bubbly thanks.
According to the local social services the man is broke. He collects less than $800 per month from Social Security and a pittance more from a railroad pension.
“This mysterious patron borrowed $5 from me to get lunch the other day,” snapped one social worker that asked to remain pseudonymous. “I guess things changed significantly.”
Meanwhile close friends say the philanthropist remains reticent,
content in the knowledge that he has bailed out his countrymen.
“I just couldn’t stand the thought of the greatest nation on earth looking like a deadbeat,” he winced. “I really don’t mind helping or doing my part. I just hope the feds can keep things straight from here on out because I’m not going to do this again.” – Fred Zeppelin
Struggling Colleges Lobby for Draft
(New Haven) Many of the country’s top colleges are struggling to fill their lecture halls. Caught in the middle of baby booms and the lack of jobs for graduates, they have begun lobbying the Selective Service to reinstitute the military draft, hinged on student deferments.
Local schools that have sent representatives to Washington include Pea Green Academy, Police State University and the University of Downtown Delta. Several regional colleges such as WSCU, Ft Lewis and Mesa State University have taken a wait-and-see posture on this potentially messy petition.
Deans at all of these institutions stress that they do not support military adventurism but are faced with empty desks unless they can successfully motivate 18 – 22 year-olds to sign up for classes.
The Selective Service has yet to comment on the actions.
Car Wash Reinvents Snowmaking
(St Germaine Ski Lodge, Red Mountain Pass – January 10, 2015)
Innovative principals here have a new use for ancient snowmaking equipment abandoned at Ironton Park decades ago. They have created a car wash, one of the highest on the continent.
The three-stall super wash, in operation since early June, is capable of handling 700 vehicles per day and has been running at full capacity, recycling water from Crystal Lake and counting on afternoon monsoons for water and consumer demand.
“We’re busy building another bay for semis and motorcycles,” said Eddie Edwards, a controlling investor. “At present we are seasonal but we expect that to change in the near future.”
Edwards told The Horseshoe that a giant, protective dome is in the works, which should insulate the entire facility from winter storms. He added that despite the presence of mechanical resources like the snow blowers the expenses incurred were monstrous.
“We hope to have our initial investment back in ten years, what with global warming and population increase,” said another owner. “People like to drive a clean car all year not just when the tourists are in town.”
If given the opportunity, the equipment can still generate about a foot of snow per hour depending on the water table. Edwards says he has already been approached by several dry land ski concerns about purchasing excess flakes and powder.
“We even developed an attachment that can make perfect moguls but transporting them has proven to be testy at best. The residue of the acquisition, a 900 psi compressor, 1400 yards of aluminum irrigation pipe and three rolls of quality baling wire may play a major role in that endeavor.”
Speaking at a luncheon for the Ouray-Silverton Ladies Long Underwear Auxiliary, Edwards said the firm plans to hire 20 full-time skilled employees and another 100 seasonal workers in 2015. These people would dry, vacuum and direct traffic during peak times.
“I for one am sick and tired of watching dirty campers negotiate Red Mountain Pass,” he stressed. “Now we will see a parade of clean vehicles descending on both sides of the pass.”
A Grand Opening, featuring hot dogs and fireworks, has been going on since August with cut-rate fees and a chance to win a cruise on Lake Ouray or Lake Emma in the fall.
“If all goes well we will be looking for opportunities to open a car wash on Molas and Coal Bank as well as a high-tech limited access facility at Howardsville.
– Small Mouth Bess
COLORADO SKI COUNTRY TO HEAT HIGHWAYS
– from the Crested Butte Albatross – used by permission – January 10, 2015
Due to harsh criticism by most members and the exit of the prestigious Wolf Creek Ski Area from the fold, the Colorado Ski Country has decided to do something besides send out pamphlets. According to a press release the promotional entity has arranged for the construction of underground highway heaters along major roads leading to ski areas.
Although the group did not include a blueprint of the plan they did say the work would be complete by next Thanksgiving.
“We may charge a slight toll to people with ski racks but that will be determined at a later date,” said Christy Stemm of Colorado Ski Country. “That fee will be minimal when one considers the convenience and safety factors.”
Unfortunately once the heaters are installed there is no way to regulate the temperature from above therefore the they will most likely run when the roads are dry and throughout the summer months as well. The effect that this increase might have on the local ecosystem is not known at press time.
“Hey doomsdayers, skiing is environmentally advantageous for all,” blasted Stemm. “Just look at all those lovely condos over here and those parking lots over there. The industry has grown to the point where it desperately needs a spokesperson and I’ll be available just as soon as I find a wall jack for my microphone.”
When asked why Wolf Creek dropped off the roster of Colorado Ski Country members Stemm said only that the resort “never got any snow and could not be counted on to provide lift lines for out-of-state visitors”.
