Feds Confiscate Sticks and Stones

(Washington) Rogue elements within the FBI and the ATF are calling for the seizure of sticks and stones to discourage popular uprisings on the domestic front. Agents would collect the potential weapons, which are generally found lying around all over the ground, before they land in the wrong hands.
“We live in a time when nuclear terrorism is only a breath away,” said a proponent of the move. “We have banned assault rifles, limited the sale of handguns and, in more progressive domains, have outlawed fireworks. Despite our sterling efforts crime is up. We have a sacred duty to a tired, apathetic public to show these criminal elements that we mean business,” she stomped.
The national crackdown on sticks and stones will begin in the lightly populated Rocky Mountains, where unlimited supplies of the instruments of combat are highly accessible.
“The place is teeming with weapons,” said the supporter of this action. “We can implement our plan town by town without a lot of undue publicity.”
The citizenry has been warned to stay in their homes until the authorities manage to secure gravel pits and round up lumber fanatics who sell firewood. No curfew has been set although that possibility has been discussed and may be enacted Tuesday.
“As we speak, in remote forests and unassuming parking lots the seeds of violence are sown,” said the source. “Look at the rest of the world. Do you want to be like that?”
According to the proposed plan the stones would be used to build prisons and the sticks would be sold to resource-hungry Japan. – Rocky Flats