Canal Receives Over 40,000 Tape Measures

Sets Guinness Book of World Records Mark*

(Al Kibrit, Egypt)) Following the Ever Given fiasco last week, the Suez Canal Authority is in bumbling possession of some 40,000 tape measures of all sizes, styles and colors.

The tapes were sent by jokesters from all over the globe after a Panamanian-flagged container ship, the Ever Given, was wedged in the world’s major waterway for almost a week. Although it was not clear who might be to blame for the marooning, the Suez Canal Authority appears to be the scapegoat until other scapegoats can be defined, created and/or identified.

The 200,000-ton, Japanese-owned ship manned by an Indian crew, got cross-ways within the artificial conveyance on March 23 and tugboats, dredgers and salvage craft were employed to extricate it. Lost revenue from the traffic stoppage easily could reach $10 billion per day. The cost of the vessel’s liberation was estimated at “between ludicrous and preposterous.”

The container ship is as long as the Empire State Building is high or “damn big” as bystanders muttered in as many as 35 languages, as the dislodging took shape.

“We just needed another canoe-full of WD-40 and 3 imperial vats of Vasoline,” said one pilot. “We hope to bottle the stuff and become rich from the sales of our patent-pending Super Ever Given Salve. We might even add a little CBD and catch the new age traffic.”

*The Guinness award was etched in “miscellaneous category” for all posterity