SMOKEY, WOODSIE BLAMED FOR BLAZE

(Silver City) After spending tens of thousands of dollars searching for an appropriate scapegoat, the Department of the Interior today pointed a fat, flabby finger at Smokey Bear and Woodsie Owl, blaming the two for a massive forest fire that destroyed a healthy portion of the The Gila National Forest.

Moments before the accusations flew, both the bear and the owl disappeared. An anonymous tip puts Smokey at Lake City, Colorado as of last night, but the owl’s whereabouts remain a mystery.

“That little bastard, Woodsie the Owl, has had it in for the Forest Service since we approved logging in old growth forests in the Pacific Northwest,” said Kindle Tinderbox, Director of Controlled Burning for what’s left of the New Mexican forests. “If we catch him he’ll wish he’d never been hatched.”

Tinderbox is certain that a conspiracy exists among the forest’s winged creatures. That plot centers around efforts to bring down the present authority by making the federals look stupid and incompetent.

“Although he’s not a spotted owl he’s every bit as dangerous,” spouted Tinderbox. “We have footage of him hugging trees and everything. How the usually docile bear got sucked into this quagmire is not clear at the present time but we have agents out there looking into that.”

Critics of Forest Circus procedures say the animals are only convenient targets aimed at taking the heat off the top brass who would rather take an extended lunch than keep an eye on what’s happening in the woods under their noses. They add that the Forest Service doesn’t need any help to look stupid.

“For years Smokey has been coming to work with his heralded shovel, digging fire lines, stamping out blazes while most of these bureau desk jockeys line up around the coffee pot,” offered Orville R. Schmelte, of the Siesta Club. “Woodsie, who admits his lack of natural fire fighting prowess, has functioned as a courier in fires from Oregon to Arkansas since the mid-Sixties. How desperate can the Forest Service be to land the blame?”

A house to house search for the two is expected to commence tomorrow with Colorado, New Mexico and Utah pinpointed as likely hideouts. Forest Service officials insist that these maneuvers will in no way affect porta-potty maintenance or the erection of new signs on public lands. – Rocky Flats