Brunot Agreement Rescinded

After almost 150 years of courting appeals and petitioning higher powers the Blue Sky People have won an unprecedented legal battle that effectively negates the Brunot Treaty and returns some 3.5 million acres of land to its rightful owners. The agreement, signed in 1873 under intimidation and blatantly false pretense, called for the removal of all Utes from the area of mines, which included all of the San Juans and adjacent valleys.

Even though the Treaty of 1868 guaranteed that the land “would be yours forever” the newer entente, hatched by racists such as Governor Frederick Pitkin, called for the expulsion of the seven Ute bands to reservations along the New Mexico and Utah borders.

At the time the Utes did not understand what the government had done. It had been their understanding during negotiations that they would give up land on which the mines were actually located, not all the land that contained mines. The situation was further clouded by a government decree recognizing Ouray, of the Uncompahgre Band, as chief of the Colorado Utes. This designation allegedly helped gloss over the smooth transfer of lands to white settlers and in its defense, probably prevented a bloodbath.

“If Ouray was chief of the Utes then my ass chews gum,” said one Ute sheepherder living near Ignacio. “He was never elected to anything. I was all a giant hoax to grab our land, which , according to our beliefs, cannot be owned in the first place.”

During the last few days of hearings the Supreme Quart apologized to the Blue Sky People for “unparalleled grievances, rampant violence and systematic racism”. Saying that the land in question was stolen they declared all treaties starting with the Calhoun Treaty of 1850 to be null and void.

“We can’t give these native people back their culture or way of life but we can damn sure give them back their land,” said a combined statement from the justices.

In keeping with the ruling the town of Ouray will be renamed Colorow and the city of Gunnison to Tomichi. Colorow was a rascal chief and Gunnison had been inappropriately named after early white explorer John Gunnison, a man of oppressive moral fiber, who subsequently killed by Pahvant Ute at Sevier Lake in the Utah Territory in 1853.

“Tomichi sounds better,” continued the herder.

“We expect it will take about 100 years for the land to return to its more natural state,” explained one Ute councilman from what was once called Cortez, and will now be named Weeminuche. Chivington, in Eastern Colorado, is slated to be razed on Tuesday, the residents sent to re-eduction camps in what was once the penal colony of Oklahoma. Oddly enough, that jurisdiction is proudly dubbed Native America on the state’s license plates, even though not one Native American has ever voluntarily relocated there.

The white folks currently residing on the effected acreage will have until Friday to vacate the premises or be forcibly moved to reservations in Utah.

– Uncle Pahgre

“I’m not trying to restructure society. I’m just trying to take care of the issues that wake people up in the middle of the night.”   – Kamala Harris. Vice President of the United States