An Expensive and Immoral Charade

with Big Hat Earl MacAdoo
(Warshington Wringer  —  November 11, 2015)

Democracy Lite

A circus atmosphere permeates the hallways here as Democrats and Republicans hit the campaign trail instead of staying in Washington and undressing the nation’s pressing dilemmas. It’s the same old suits stroking their fortunes, belting out distracting and irrelevant rhetoric while many American families are living a much different life.

Is that how it’s always been and how it always will be? Lets get a handle on these outrageous social expenditures like welfare and social security. Just a little fudging here and a little robbery there and we could afford to build three new bombers a month.

Now I’m not saying the proposed Aisle Wall, to be built between the Democrats and Republicans sometime in March, is a bad idea. I’m just wondering what the price tag might demand. We need a wall along the Mexican border and between Alaska and Russia and along the Mason-Dixon Line too! Nebraska wants to build one to keep out Colorado pot. Utah has the blueprint for a Tsunami-proof lake affect wall like the one the Little Dutch Boy plugged. Monsatan Corporation wants to build a wall around its agricultural killing fields. I want a wall to keep my goat herder neighbors out of my pumpkin patch.

When you begin to build your own wall be sure not to leave a crawl space at the bottom. Vermin can transform themselves like rats into soft, flat creatures and easily outflank your ramparts and breastworks. Mine has a dandy little coin-operated gate that allows my wealthier friends access while restricting the Great Unwashed.

Moses Horowitz de facto leader

Former SS Cook Subject to Cross-Examination

A alleged SS cookbook author and feared camp cook will testify before the House Trays and Beans Committee tomorrow over allegations that wrote propaganda for the Third Reich in the 1940s.

Horowitz, or Howard, (a marginalized stage name) has operated with so many aliases that no one knows his given name or if he ever had one. He is expected to be charged with compliance with, conspiracy in , and accessory to violent silliness while employed at the now defunct Curly Prison. The defendant  allegedly hit prisoners in the face with wrenches, pinched their noses with pliers and hit them with pipes and baseball bats at the privately run for profit calaboose over in Maryland.

In addition, the cook (who was going by the name Moe at press time), a man named Larry and the shuffling prison warden and namesake, Curly repeatedly engaged in punitive behavior including poking convicts in the eyes, violent slapping, pulling (boxing) ears and smashing their toes with hammers.

The House Committee has viewed virtually every Three Stooges film as part of the extensive fact-fining mission aimed at determining guilt in this sad affair.

Readers may recall that the earlier Stooges movies often served as inspiration and fodder for the Federal Reserve System, established back in 1913 but reaching its apex during the Great Depression.

Congress Cast Out

Chattering of Perfect Teeth Observed

The entire United States Congress, was sent away early this morning after it was determined that they were not doing anything to help the nation. The former lawmakers will be replaced by a small duck.

The current conflict came to a head Saturday when it was discovered hat none of the Senators and Representatives could pass proposed background checks for the purchase of a gun.

According to questionable sources the politicos will no longer receive retirement pensions, paychecks, health care or limo rides. Each will receive five acres, a mule and a cheap suit.

As the sun began to set on the Capitol Dome an estimated 525 former big shots could be seen scurrying across the Anacostia River, a lobbyist under each arm.