AMA Rethinks Twinkies

(Duluth, MN — The Surprise Inside Report — March 7, 2016)

The American Medical Association is again swaying its opinion on Twinkies now that Monsanto is set to perform extensive testing its own brand of the ultra-sugary treat.

For decades the conservative medical mouthpiece for doctors in the United States has taken a more practical line condemning such foods as barbecued potato chips, Moon Pies, canned refried beans, Cocoa Pebbles and most frozen TV dinners as unhealthy and potential dangerous to one’s health.

Now, in a 180-degree shift, the pill lobby is telling us the genetically modified junk food is OK.

“The biggest shift is in the sugar food groups,” said Dr. Weeban Lackluster of Pea Green Chemicals. “We all know people need a minimum sugar intake but now its OK to eat more!”

Of late, those happy words “Eat more” have resonated off cathedral ceilings and barn doors and all over the Rockies, as people shift into full consumption mode for summer.

“If sugar is going to kill you why worry if it’s genetically modified or even spiritually enhanced?” laughed the doctor. “The entire conversation about hyperactivity in children (one long associated with sugar intake) is meant for the psychology classroom and not for the overworked parent who slaps a toaster strudel into the kid before he goes to school, or packs Twinkies in his lunch.”

Although dentists continue to insist that sugar is bad for the teeth, several food producers are calling for the resurrection of genetically altered junk foods into the health food category.

“We have found that our fried wontons, barbecued chips and especially Moon Pies contain mounds of support fiber while TV dinners are an excellent source of monosodium glutamate,” said Lackluster.

“If we can convince little kids that they are eating real sugar when they are eating our chemicals it should be easy to convince an adult they are eating a real peach when they are munching on our “special peaches” we will have won. Then we can sell what is produced for pennies for dollars and control the market. What they hell….we’re all gonna be dead someday anyway.”

– Rufus Maxwell