NBA to adopt power play

(Denver) In an attempt to beef up sagging attendance figures throughout the league the National Basketball Association has decided to adopt a slew of National Hockey League policies that regulate that sport. Included in next season’s amendments to the rule book include the use of a penalty box, an expanded power play, and Intentional Icing.

Since the NHL has locked itself in an partisan struggle over fiscal compensation and salary caps the NBA appeared to be the only game in town for a good portion of the winter.

Soon, for the first time in the league’s history, fans will witness the employment of a penalty box for players called for personal fouls and unsportsmanlike behavior. The detainment boxes will be located under each basket, in full view of the crowd, where infractions will be punished for varying lengths of time according to the seriousness of the offense. Players deemed guilty such no-nos as high-sticking and tripping will do time here while traditional hoop violations such as charging and traveling will go unpunished.

“First and foremost we don’t want to give up expensive seating space along the floor for penalty boxes,” said one NBA official. “These seats constitute a premium experience and we don’t want to rock the boat here in return for punitive considerations. Whether or not players who foul out will have to spend the rest of the game in these boxes has not been determined.”

The official went on to say that the use of fan-induced dunking machines will not be utilized due to considerations regarding crowd control.

“We don’t want the whole thing to turn into some sort of circus,” said the official. “Besides, we need to protect our millionaire athletes from angry fans swept up in the moment.”

The dangerous power play, determined by the number of players on the ice, will take on even greater consequences as  four-on-five or even a three-on-five situations evolve on the court. Fears that the move will result in half-court affairs which could slow transitional play were shoved aside in light of potentially high scoring contests.

“We could very well see the return to legal zone defenses and whistles for such petty violations as charging and traveling,” said the source. “The potential for one-sided scoring opportunities might make a player think twice before shoving competitors or throwing an elbow.”

Intentional icing, where a player throws the ball across the half-court for obvious defensive purposes, will result in further restrictions on play. In the early parts of the match it will be dealt with as only a loss of possession while in over-time it will constitute a jump ball (face-off) at the foul-line of the opposing team. This breach of the game’s new precepts could have dire consequences as any ardent fan would soon realize.

Fundamental elements of both games will be included in the rule book as the season progresses, however conflicts resulting from hazy prosecution of goal tending and crease infractions will be up to the discretion of the official on the floor. In addition the custom of wearing helmets and pads will be scrutinized by the league based on the level of violence and the general flow of play.

“Protective equipment could easily become cumbersome during a fast break,” said the official, “but we have to protect our players from serious injury. The floor is hard but so was the ice and at least we’re not stupid enough to cover the playing surface with astroturf.”