Aliens Coming Out in Record Droves

aliens(Lake City) The recent, seemingly overnight, acceptance of gays in this culture has encouraged many aliens to come out of the closet. This burgeoning tolerance, at least at the polls, has allowed many aliens to declare orientations and preferences where real identities had been in hiding.

Along with marijuana growers these visitors from other planets and solar systems had been forced underground, embracing a low profile existence except within closed circles. Now, more and more, these same aliens are beginning to live their lives as who they want to be: Extraterrestrials!

In some parts of the country the majority of residents claim alien ancestry. This is particularly acute in remote locales and rural precincts.

“The space wanderers often preferred to make their entries in less mainstream spots where they might assimilate easier,” said Dr. Egram Orbit of Hinsdale Star Institute. “We have been watching UFOs land around here for decades. In a place where eccentricity is the mountain boilerplate, these new arrivals find that surviving the harsh winters is more difficult than lining them up at the local bar.”

The coming out display is particularly emancipating for the more than 150,000 aliens who had been living under Bakersfield, California and Detroit, Michigan. Many have been living in deplorable conditions without the light of day since the 50s when they were uprooted from homes in Area 51 and sent to reeducation camps in Los Angeles.

“Most of the space people escaped from the minimum security internment facilities and resettled under major U.S. cities such as Atlantic City, Rockford, Illinois and Phoenix,” continued Orbit.

“Your gov’ment has been conducting a series of cloning experiments since 1947 in Nevada and New Mexico,” said a representative of the Obama Administration. “We simply picked up where the Bush people left off. Today we have aliens working in every department of government, including the White House, Pentagon and the Congress. These are not support personnel but rather policy stalwarts and decision makers.

“Does the name Dick Cheney ring a bell? How about Nancy Pelosi?” he chided.

In a related piece, NASA has announced that (North Korean) Dear Leader, Kim Jong-un and sidekick flamboyant basketball celebrity Dennis Rodman are definitely from another solar system, an accusation not denied in Pyongyang.

“It’s all explained in the tattoos,” said Orbit. “Connect the dots and the entire rationale will become startlingly clear.”     -Irm Peawit

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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