Eating garden tomatoes not a sin says Pope

(Vatican) In a rare departure from socio-religious issues the leader of Roman Catholic Church today decreed that eating homegrown tomatoes was not in conflict with its teachings.

Pope Francis told a throng of well-wishers in St Peter’s Square that although eating a drippy, sweet, red and meaty garden-grown tomato feels like a sin it is not. He further encourages his flock to “eat as many tomatoes as you like while the season is on”.

The Pope, an Argentine, went on to say that he misses his garden in Buenos Aires and that a newly tilled one will be up and running next year.

“The Pontiff was too busty addressing war, poverty, starvation and racism to plant a garden this spring,” said a close aide. “Next year we hope to have corn over there (he gestured toward a basilica) and cucumbers over there. The tomatoes will be right in the middle getting full sun.”

The aide refused to comment when asked why the Vatican does not share its vast wealth with the impoverished.
Recent criticism leveled at the Church claims the religious body hoards riches and does not do enough to help the poor, especially those Catholics living in Latin America.

“Sure, they have all kinds of beneficial programs,” said one man who would like to see all of the Vatican gold redistributed to the poor.

“Isn’t that what Jesus would have done?” he smiled.

Back at St Peters the Pope told a cheering crowd that tomato sauces, stuffed tomatoes, tomato soup and even such nominally secular dishes as tomato bisque and fried green tomatoes are all fine to consume.

“These are not at odds with the doctrines and practices of Christianity,” said the Pope who scoffed at dispensation for eating apples.

“Unless they are offered by snakes,” he laughed, “which is not a likely scenario.”

In closing the Pontiff warned the faithful about the pitfalls of eating genetically modified foods, which he said, is directly against the teachings of Christ and the Apostles as well as the Bible.
– St Roscoe of Runnynose