Finbar Brings Linksters to Heel

Continued from Page 4
so that they could barely grip the soggy club, especially after a good whopping by loyal sailors. Realizing that the Carbuncle Tribesmen enjoyed a good hoot as well as the next Irish-Dane, King Finbar brought along several Laplander oak knobkerries, his own crew’s stunning blue truncheons and a basket of curious blindfolds for the village dandies. He also lugged the cross of Hotspur, the Cuckold of Sibyl, in his waistcoat. He waited.

After swilling for position at the bucket of life the fight was on. First the Carbuncles teed off. Known for long drivers and little else, the proud tribesmen were led by Manannan, the Lord of the Sea.

Telling stories in the pub

“Lift up your kilts and follow me!” cried Manannan surging across the palm-lined fairway in an attempt to intercept Finbar’s dragoons, who had encircled the fortress green and had begun to barbecue hostages taken before the battle of Loamshire.

The High Summer of Cuchulain had never seen such a collision of caddie flesh as this one. Thousands, hundreds were thrown to the mulligan wolves with reinforcements hung up, their cavalry grounded in the freshly raked sandtraps of Kerry and Kilkenny.

“Mac Lir! Mac Lir!” was echoed up and down the jagged edges of the rough. “Saints intercession!”

At the end of the day mounds of scorecards, peppered with the little pencils of destiny, were swallowed up by great avenging sea lions, sent to the Over World to throw clubs, sneeze and flutter while the frustrated Manannan was about to put for his only eagle of the afternoon.

“Land Ho!” choked brave King Finbar from his golf cart, now submerged in a water hazard. “Save yourselves!”

And then, like the light of a midnight moon, forces loyal to Finbar broke through to the clubhouse and the sport of golf was wrestled from the clammy hands of the infidels. Today we have only Finbar and our own fascination with frustration to thank for countless afternoons of torture above the little white ball.

Next Month:

Finbar Returns to the Lestrigons Riding the Head of Boleslav