UTE WHALE HUNTS APPROVED

Lake Powell Breakthrough Lauded

(Ignacio) In a monumental turn of events the United Snakes Senate today voted in favor of Ute Whale hunts in Arizona and Utah. The action paves the way toward diversification of the reservation economy and promises to give indigent members of the tribe increased opportunity.

“Quite a high percentage of Native Americans seem to lack direction these days,” said Estelle Marmotbreath, Director of Reservation Rehabilitation and Relaxation. Marmotbreath, a tea leaf reader, thinks the destruction of their culture ,the seizure of tribal lands and the adoption of reservations has led to this problem.

“The Utes were never heavy into buffalo hunting since there were few of the beasts in the mountains,” explained Marmotbreath who earned her PhD. in Casino Administration at the Isolationist Institute for International Studies in 2007. “We think the whale hunts will replace the historically incorrect yet legendary buffalo hunts, and in turn help moral.”

The plan has angered environmentalists, many whom support Sierra Club efforts to drain Lake Powell and return Glen Canyon to its natural state.

“What chance will whales have against Ute hunting parties when the water is gone?” asked one Sierra Club member.

If the Lake Powell whale safaris are successful Ute whaling ships may once again be seen on the Colorado River and right there in your bathtub.

Already water interests in Arapaho County have petitioned the state of Colorado for a permit to build a Ute Whaler Water Theme Park adjacent to the Aurora Gang War Zone Memorial there. Principals in that effort insist they will need additional Western Slope water to complete the project. – Small Mouth Bess