Trump, Hillary to employ shift

(Campaign, IL — Fleecing Flock Tribune — September 7, 2016)

In a turn away from workaday partisan politics, both Presidential candidates are employing “the shift” on each other and on millions of mystified American voters. First introduced by defenses on the professional baseball diamond, the shift moves players around in a non-traditional manner to best make use of computer-generated data on each hitter in a simulated situation.

Democrat Hillary Clinton will still have Bill out in right field but many of her top advisors and political hacks will find themselves hugging the line or stuck out behind second base when left-wing rhetoric is on the mound. Donald Trump will make use of a host of rookies (most veterans have abandoned him and his hair) in his attempt to choke off the long ball. Trump himself will be housed in the visitors’ dugout, gagged and handcuffed until the season is concluded.

Meanwhile, the American people “who deserve the government they get” gape on the sideline or in the light beer line. The Republicans want to make America Great while the Democrats want to extend the Obama legacy. The voters, many of whom sleep in on Election Day, just want to be told what to do and when to do it, here in the Land of the Free. The Dumbing of America has not only arrived but it has been welcomed.

Neither candidate has advanced a platform that undresses the pandemic problems of economic disparity, bad schools, corporate welfare, global warming, the Medical-Insurance-Pharmaceutical Complex, the crumbling infrastructure, the chaos of the Middle East, immigration or the chronic loss of everyday kindness that plagues the nation. As puffed up reflections of our sad society Hillary and Trump just move their mouths and the same old tired words march out.

“The shift was introduced to utilize statistics gathered on each player,” said Rocky Flats the manager and chief executive of the Nattering Nabobs, a Raton, New Mexico farm team. “If he pulls the ball or has had success hitting to the opposite field we move players around the diamond to compensate for strengths and weaknesses. It’s the same with elections only the repositioning is accomplished by the super delegates, the television networks and the people who actually run the country.”

Meanwhile the tax paying public gets screwed according to Flats who added that it appears