Town Rejected as Nuclear Waste Dump

(Montrose, Colorado —  Atomic Chronicle — January 20, 2015) To the profound disappointment of the residents of Manana, Colorado, Chem-Nuclear Systems has soundly disqualified the locale saying it is not nice enough to be used as a proposed site for a low-level radioactive waste repository.
“It’s a shock, to say the last,” said one incredulous resident of the economically depressed, often desperate burgh where children once ate uranium tailings for breakfast. “Was it something we said?”
When a town is dismissed as a potential waste site, the future looks bleak especially considering most towns do not want this kind of industry in their backyard.
“We painted the place and spruced up the dump and all the junk yards,” whined another inhabitant. “The river still moves and the rocks still shine.”
“Manana is a lovely town,” said a spokesman for Chem-Nuclear. “The people are friendly and supportive and cheap labor abounds. The hunting and fishing are the best and the views are incredible. But, frankly Manana did not have what we were looking for in a radioactive dumpsite. You might say Manana was not our cup of tea…or in this case our cup of swill.”
One storekeeper expressed it well, saying the dismissal was a lot like asking the ugliest person you can find to marry you only to be turned down flat. He then told reporters that the entire town is depressed and humiliated by the actions of Chem-Nuclear.
“We think the company is run by liberals,” he scoffed.
In a related development, officials here confirmed rumors that the United States Air Force is searching for a new bombing range and target test area with structures intact.
“Sure, we’ll fill out the forms and apply for the position,” said one councilperson, “but after losing the dump our hearts are barely into it.”
– Mel Toole