The Ouray Solid Muldoon – What you need to know

The following was lifted from August 14, 1885 issues of the Ouray Solid Muldoon with the verbal approval of David Day’s ghost. The format is loose, concise and to the point.

Chauncy Brandelberry, who is credited with having two wives living is now in jail in Montrose charged with bigamy. On May 20 the Muldoon contained an account of the trip of Mrs Brandelberry No. 1 as far as Ouray from a town 80 miles north of Ogden, Utah, in search of her child left in the care of Bradelberry. She alleges that on her arrival here she found that her husband had remarried again without going through the usual form of procuring a divorce. She accrued the services of deputy Cuddihy of Montrose who went in search of the too-muchly-married man and found him living with Mrs Brandelberry No. 2 in the Paradox Valley. Cuddihy took possession of the husband and the child and started back to Montrose. However, on the way Bradelberry escaped, but was recently captured and now languishes in the Montrose bastille. Mrs Brandeberry No. 1 is now in Montana awaiting developments.

You don’t find false teeth in the soup of some of the Ouray hash dives, as was the custom a few years ago, but the table butter is still a home for aged and decrepit cockroaches and bed bugs with high water pants.

Joe McCormick was arrested here last Saturday, and is now in jail on the charge of horse stealing. McCormick hired the horse at Dallas, and sold it here in Ouray to Frank Hopkins, giving him a bill of sale for the animal.

Frank James has invited Sam Jones to call his way and squirt religion at the unbelievers. Missourians, with their six-shooters attached are not calculated to enthuse the latter day parson. The acrobatic sky pilot of the Brooklyn tabernacle has returned from Europe and the great dailies will once more have special telegrams of his sermons–sent by mail.

Old man Hope of Red Mountain believed until recently that Kansas was made up of nothing but Republicans and grasshoppers. Now he is of the opinion that a few Democrats inhabit that land.

The number of plain and fancy drunks that could have been docketed at Fort Kayser yesterday morning were not called owing to the leniency and goodness of the heart of the justice. As a town agitator a $20,000 fire is a howling success. It’s hard to decide which was most disastrous, the fire or the drunk.

The Muldoon wishes to say once more that it will publish anonymous communications or personal grievances. If you have it in for your neighbor write him a letter yourself and tell him what a disreputable cuss he is and sign your name to it. This will throw the responsibility on your own shoulders and give vent to your pent-up feelings. This way of sneaking around to a newspaper office and getting in your spite work through the publisher, who has no interest whatsoever in your quarrels, is not only cowardly but vicious, and we won’t have any of it in ours. If you want to go over to your neighbor’s and give him a clubbing, set his house on fire or murder his family, we will detail a reporter to write up the affair, as it then becomes a public matter and of considerable import as a news item. Otherwise keep your skeletons in your own closet and give us a rest.

The snow is a foot deep over in Silverton while here in Ouray the song of the mocking bird in the magnolias mingles with the soft sighing of gentle southern zephyrs. Blessed Ouray.

A fight to the finish with two-ounce gloves is to come off Monday night at Wright’s Opera House between Jack Davis of Ouray and Billy Rae of Arizona, for $100 a side. As many of these encounters are mere hippodromes to get the gate money Mayor Rowan, before giving permission for the fight, extracted twice that sum from unnamed promoters at the north edge of town.

General Palmer and party, all stockholders in the Denver & Rio Grande, were in town this week and went over to look at the mines in Marshal Basin.

The card in the Plaindealer last week from Rev. Long, denying the allegations set forth in the Muldoon, that he did not refuse to hold services over the remains of Dave Selby and that he did not work and make noise while the funeral services were in progress at the church opposite, should not have been written if the revered gentleman believes the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. We now report that he not only refused to hold services, and made the noise as stated, and have a number of reliable and prominent citizens to bear us out in our statement if he sees fit to call for proof.

Otto Mears’ private car was anchored in Ouray last night.

Iranstan continues to hold out on the big bodies of ore cut a few weeks ago and promises to be one of the best and biggest shippers in the Red Mountain district.

God bless the hayseeds. They are great people.

Free fight among the Cornishmen at the Sheridan Mine on election day.

Annex extension of Terrible has cut a foot of ore that assays 727 ounces. The claim, that bids fair to the great shipper is owned by Wm. F Maher and John N. Caldwell, among others.

The Ute uprising has petered out and our boys in blue can play soldier again.

G.T. Whittemore, a miner working on the Terrible, fell over the dump about November 1 and ruptured himself. He was brought down to town on Tuesday from the mine and placed in the hospital, where an operation was performed by Doctors Rowan and Mayfield, who found the man to be in a state of advanced gangrene.