Sell Black Canyon, Buy Suspension Bridge Says Local Man

(Montrose — February 25, 2015) Political activist and executive director of executive directorships executive, Melvin O’Toole, told an attentive audience at Wake Up Montrose that the city should sell the Black Canyon of the Gunnison to the highest bidder and purchase a state-of-the-art suspension bridge with the profits.
The bridge, which O’Toole says could be bought or built, would span an area from South 5th Street to Chipeta Lake by autumn.
“Progressive cities all over the world feature suspension bridges on their tourist brochures,” said O’Toole. “A suspension bridge would attract a strong cross-section of retirees from Orange County and meth addicts from the Confront Range. Then we’d really have something here.”
O’Toole was instrumental in bringing the first pigeons to Montrose in 1976 and lobbied heavily for a snow shed at Main and Townsend as well as a tasteless shopping center south of town.
“We got one of the two,” smiled O’Toole, who did not seem to grasp the loss of beautiful pastureland in exchange for a Target store and a lot of asphalt where cows and horses used to graze.
“Once the bridge is installed someone is bound to build a river underneath it,” said the speaker. “Think of all the jobs that would mean.”
O’Toole did not respond when remind that the Black Canyon was now a National Park and the property of the federal gov’ment.
As the presentation ended, he received a warm applause and reception from the three persons in attendance that had not fallen headfirst into their oatmeal. – Signelle de Bushe