Tex Offenders Must Register

Ridgway) Convicted Tex Offenders must register in their specific neighborhoods so as to comply with new anti-discrimination precepts passed here by the local town council. The ruling includes anyone who has knowingly offended visitors from Texas.

“This is no summer romance,” said one councilperson. “We are baring the sharp teeth of the law to all seasons.”

This get tough attitude is an exemplary segment of a progressive approach to marketing tourism in Western Colorado.

“Why anyone would want to offend these nice people is beyond my comprehension,” said the council member who is originally from Dripping Springs. “We certainly don’t want these kinds of rude and ignorant people roaming around our neighborhoods at will.”

The law clearly states that persons of this shady demeanor should not be allowed access to the general population without first displaying their dirty laundry, or rap sheet, for all to see. The council voted unanimously on the issue stating that it specifically forbade contact with impressionable persons and banned disparaging opinions originating from those in a position of trust with younger citizens.

Terms such as flatlander, turkey and geek will not be tolerated in accordance with the ordinance. Most Coloradoans make no distinction between people from New York or Texas, since, quite frankly, it is what it is. Newcomers are often the most guilty of these affronts, scorning Texans and other visitors to make themselves look better.

“Employing stereotypes aimed at one group or another is downright ignorant and destructive,” said the source. “We welcome these visitors to our mountains even if they do talk funny.”

Whether or not Californians would be covered by the decision was not known at press time. – Kashmir Horseshoe