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Schicklgruber family sues Trump for plagiarism

(Munich)  Because Adolf Hitler’s father Alois was born out of wedlock, the Nazi leader used the last name “Schicklgruber” until adulthood.

Long before, In 1876, Alois changed his last name to “Hitler,” when he added his stepfather’s name to his birth certificate. More recently, descendants have gone back to the original Schicklgruber, apparently not wanting to use the named Hitler due to possible negative associations to mass murder and  genocide.

The word schicklgruber is translated from Austrian-German (Adolf’s birth tongue) as “money-grubber”  or “fate-digger”.

The above-mentioned legal action claims that the part-time resident of the White House, Donald J. Trump did willfully and menacingly steal speeches from the Fuher and has cherry-picked passages from other writings, particularly Mein Kampf and a particularly dreary, and little known, Liebe und Lebensraum, a pathetic, drug-laced romance novel penned by Hitler (the spicy scenes  reputedly created by Rudolf Hess) while the former cooled his heels in Lansberg Prison in 1924.

If the mustachioed Corporal Hitler had been snuffed at the Battle of Galicia/Lemberg (August–September 1914) like more than 450,000 Austria-Hungarian and Russian combatants, none of this would have mattered and the author of this piece could be sitting in his sunny Antioquia  plaza sipping lattes and anejo rum, gazing at beautiful women instead of pontificating up here in a shabby treehouse redoubt.

Dire warnings began flooding in way back in 1924, with one ultra-critical uncle red flagging Germany’s future leader.

“I’d damn sure keep an eye on that swarthy bastard. He’s a wing nut without a washer.” – Uncle Otto Hitler, Swabian cabinet maker

“He was a nice kid before the Great War and before he donned that stupid mustache.” – Helga Schicklgruber, maternal grandmother’s third cousin and occasional gardener.

“Be careful of Adolf. He’s not quite right.” – Rolf Greeger, fellow Austrian soldier, who spent time in the trenches with Hitler despite bone spurs that should have kept him back in Berlin for the duration of the conflict.

“I know nothing.” – Sergeant Hans Schultz, fictional German guard in Luft Stalag 13 (Hogan’s Heroes television program).

-Fred Zeppelin