All Entries Tagged With: "Lake City"
LIFE, LOVE AND AREPAS
- Which transport over the pass to Riosucio?
Photo by Delinda Austin
LIFE, LOVE AND AREPAS IN THE GREEN COLOMBIAN ANDES
The next installment of Love and Antioquia, will now be presented novela (the game show concept failed to generate any interest). But before I become further distracted from my immedite chore I wish to remind you that the Spanish word for the day is tierna, which means tender, and describes my traveling companion.
LOVE AND AREPAS
All plates in Colombia feature a big (or sometimes small) bad arepa for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s a cross between a dry corn bread and a dry corn tortilla. Just looking at one has been known to produce cottonmouth. I think people eat them because they always have and for no other good reason. But they are tenacious. In their defense arepas are friends with scrambled eggs and cheese, beans and rice or potato soup and a salad.
RUM BEFORE DISHONOR
Beautiful window shutters in Jardin
Upon arrival at LaTampa Cafe in Jardin for my morning coffee I noticed my friend Alfonso was meticulously filling a large chuckhole with coffee grinds from his operation. I watched him complete the job and said nothing.
Jardin looks a lot like Ouray and acts like Ridgway back in the 70s. Salsa, Cumbia, Tango blasting from the bars mixing unintentionally with church bells and the clop of horses on the cobblestones. We saw few gringos in the two weeks spent here. Even fewer up above town where our hotel had a big bathtub and two delicious trucherias (trout restaurants) ruled the roost. One of these eateries, Valdivia, features a very social German Shepherd greeter at the gate.The culture is strong in Antioquia, not yet diluted by world tourism, which has affected other towns on the so-called gringo trail. The better your Spanish, the better your visit.
MUCHO RUIDO
Tree falls in Jardin Photo by Delinda Austin
Did you know that famous Colombian singer Alci Acosta honed his vocal skills selling chocolate in Riosucio? (Home of some of the meanest birds in the world). That’s where we are headed over a three-hour dirt road in the back of a chiva (a pickup with covers and bench seats). It will be nice to have some silence but, no way; Someone turns on a blasting radio station from Manizales. Noise is a definite irritant in Colombia but fortunately I brought along my 5 x 8, super whambo 800-decibal Cerwin Vega alto veces (loud speakers) to act as ample equalizers.
Jardin Plaza Song
The elders convene
on the plaza today
Mornings to the east
Afternoons to the west
remembering the yesterdays
on the plaza
remembering when youth confused them
remembering the joys denied.
These precious wonders of life
on the plaza.
Giant Ejected from Montrose Men’s Room
Local Events As We Imagine Them
(SoMo DFZ* – Feb 25, 2015)) A bullying giant was forcibly evicted from a public lavatory early this morning after police received countless complaints from bar patrons. According to eyewitnesses the inebriated giant became abusive when cut off and asked to leave the premises.
It took more than a dozen police officers and several militiamen about three hours to eject the intimidating titan who had cleverly wrapped his gargantuan body around a string of urinals and stalls. Finally after “great perseverance” rescuers managed to pry the monster free, squeeze him through the front door and strap him securely atop a waiting cruiser.
The overstuffed culprit (measured at 6 feet, 10 inches and weighing well over 300 pounds) is currently housed in a suite of cells at the local slammer charged with disturbing the peace, felonious mischief, stealing toilet paper and wasting water. Ironically he had become a tourist attraction when sober but police warned that “he has arms and should be considered dangerous”. They urged residents to lock their doors, order a pizza and watch police shows on television.
The San Juan Horseshoe chose not to report the story until later in the afternoon contending that the news might frighten tourists away from the town. After further investigation it became clear that the giant had once been employed as a proofreader/bouncer at the paper but was fired because he was too big to fit behind the copy desk. – Gabby Haze
*South Montrose Duty Free Zone
City Imports Exotic Pigeons
(Montrose — Feb 25, 2015) The present junta and the secretary for Economic Development don’t agree on much but they agree that Montrose needs more pigeons. Already these entities have purchased a skeleton crop of the birds from St Louis, Cincinnati and Philadelphia that will be used to breed a healthy flock of rare Jacobin Fancy Pigeons.
Further purchases must be approved by the city council and at press time all are aboard on this venture.
“We had planned to acquire only the most exotic pigeons such as the Blue Crowned Pigeon, the African Olive Pigeon and the Black Banded Dove but our budget fell short,” said Junior T. Reich, a spokesman for the city. “Imagine birds of this genre wandering our streets. What a tourist draw. They don’t even have anything like this in Grand Junction!”
The birds are expected to arrive by air on Friday and be released at the Pavilion. Residents are urged to come out and observe this wondrous sight.
“This should give us a little more clout with Denver,” said Reich. “Everyone knows only important, big cities have pigeons in them.”
Although the Pigeon Decision has been whisked past the voters, most elected officials are in favor of the move. Conflicts of interest have emerged since one commissioner sells umbrellas, a councilperson maintains a peanut vending cart and another creates outdoor sculptures.
“So what if these people benefit from the pigeon population?” asked Reich. “That’s how government and commerce can be mutually supportive. The presence of these birds will create jobs in the cleanup sector too.”
The city plans to use funds earmarked for new access roads to relieve the bottlenecks due to the burgeoning population. Proponents say that progress
is just around the corner and the pigeons will help herald in a solid, economic future for residents and visitors alike.
“Do pigeons attract malls or do malls attract pigeons?” laughed Reich. “Who knows? The little critters are clean enough and do not carry serious diseases that we know of. They have been lambasted for too long as windshield bombers and statue decorators.”
Many people here see the birds as a source of food even though the city has promised to “come down hard” on pigeon poachers. Classified as bird clade Colombidae, the species includes over 300 types of pigeon and dove and firms up the food chain for such predators are peregrine falcons, eagles and a variety of hawks that fly these skies.
Overall reaction here is stunted with one camp asking why the extinct dodo was not included and the other asking why the city does not do more to beef up the diminished pheasant flocks and elusive wild turkeys to freely roam the back streets and alleys of what was once a heavenly small town. – Jim Crow
Trotsky vuelve a allanar en Miami
ESTADO DEL SOL Panhandler – 25 de febrero 2015
León Trotsky, el ex mandamás comunista creía muerto desde 1930, tiene ha identificado en una lavandería de Miami, donde dio un encendido discurso sobre los males del capitalismo y la estática mientras sus calzoncillos estaban secando. Las autoridades locales, avisó a su presencia por un mecánico secador de Ucrania, llegaron tarde a la escena falta el revolucionario de ojos salvajes que habían estado buscando “un barco camaronero de Managua” a principios de esa misma mañana.
“Tenemos la sospecha de algún tipo de operación de lavado de dinero comunista está en los trabajos,” inflado un detective. “Toda la evidencia no está en pero digamos que el Sr. Trotsky fue” lavado “más que sus pantalones cortos.”
Mientras tanto, en Managua, el presidente Daniel Ortega ha condenado la Administración Obama por lo que él llama las intrusiones de provocación en el perímetro de una nación soberana. Ortega dice que Estados Unidos ha empleado quitanieves drones mononucleares en las zonas montañosas cerca de Estelí, donde el último polvo reportado fue en 1915.
En una respuesta cortante, un portavoz del Departamento de Estado negó cualquier conocimiento de drones que dicen que si hay dispositivos mononucleares fueron enviados a Nicaragua se debió a una falta dentro del departamento de compras a través de la CIA.
“No hablamos y la CIA no comparte mucha información con el FBI o de la Administración”, continuó. “La casa no envía información sensible al Senado y el Pentágono mantiene estricto secreto en los documentos clasificados en su bóveda. La NSA está preocupado acerca de las posibles fugas en el IRS y se niega a devolver las llamadas telefónicas. La CIA no confía en la competencia del FBI y la CIA tiene miedo de que el FBI va a micro-administrar los datos y así exponer a los contactos internacionales de larga nutridas. Así es como mantenemos un control estricto “.
Ninguna de las agencias le importaba a comentar sobre cómo y por qué Trotsky estaba en Miami, si en realidad fue incluso Trotsky en absoluto. – Boca Chica Bess
