The Tarzan and Jane Dialogues

Part XXXVII    “Upwardly Mobile”

(The scene opens in a tree house in West Africa. Tarzan is finishing the breakfast dishes as Jane pours over some figures in preparation for a loan officer’s meeting down at the local bank.)

Jane: I like you in that apron, dear.

Tarzan: Keep loincloth clean.

Jane: Don’t forget to take Boy to daycare, pick up my laundry and feed the elephants.

Tarzan: Cheetah already get laundry. Most of it belong to monkey anyway.

Jane: I just adored the wildebeest meatloaf last night. What do you have planned for tonight’s meal?

Tarzan: Tarzan plan leftovers

Jane: What? I work overtime at the bank and I come home late to leftovers?

Tarzan: Tonight boy’s night out on town.

Jane: Like hell. I have to work late and someone has to watch Boy.

Tarzan: Cheetah stay with boy.

Jane: Cheetah will be working with me as a financial consultant. We have new programs to kick off next month and she’s the best in the business.

Tarzan: Tarzan go out when Jane and Cheetah come back.

Jane: Oh, I guess that will work. Don’t forget that Tuesday I fly to New York to meet the stockholders and then on Friday I’m off to Brazil to finalize the construction of those condos.

Tarzan: Jane worldly. When come back?

Jane: I’ll call from Rio. Don’t forget to water the plants and no poker parties. The last thing I need is to come home to a tree house that smells like beer and cigars. Can’t you just have a nice Tupperware party like the other housewives?

Tarzan: Tarzan not housewife. Besides Tarzan win all the bananas in last game. Buy Jane new dress to wear to bank banquet with money.

Jane: You are such a sweetie…OK on the poker but no cigars in the tree house.

Tarzan: Jane not wearing that outfit.

Jane: Why not?

Tarzan: Colors no match. Eye shadow all wrong.

Jane: Really? Well I’ve no time now to change or I’ll miss my car pool.

Tarzan: Car pool? Jane go swimming. Ha Ha. Careful of crocodiles.

Jane: Now where did I put my briefcase?

THE END

Tune in next time: Tarzan serves chicken-fired antelope steaks, one of Jane’s favorites.