Summer Barbecue Safety Course Told

(Montrose, Colorado — January 10, 2015)

Colorado Fishy Game officials have announced the dates for the 2015 Barbecue Safety Corpse sanctioned by someone’s state gov’ment over there on the other side of the Continental Divide.

Anyone born after March 7, 1949 must attend the 80-hour classes and pass a written exam before they can pass an in-state barbecue license ($125 per year). Persons failing to achieve this smoky plateau are NOT IN COMPLIANCE with another one of our unnecessary but strictly enforced regulations.

“Anyone caught burning cash cows will be jailed,” said one well armed ranger from behind that fake tree over there by the wilderness signage.

This year most barbecue enthusiasts must register and show their license to purchase lighter fluid and other explosive devices used in the preparation of dinner. Charcoal is not affected by this new restriction.

“I’ve been cooking steaks on my grill for 60 years,” said Melvin “Big Hat No Cows” Toole, from his cell. “We’re breaking out of here tonight and cooking ribs. We’ve gone underground. The peelers will never find us,” he howled.

The dates for the safety courses are Saturday, June 21, 8 am to 5 pm; Tuesday July 14, 6 pm to 11 pm; and Thursday, August 13, 2015.

The often demanding curriculum will focus on safe use of charcoal, flammable clothing, wet matches, bad language in front of the children and pets (bonus seminar) and alcohol at the grill. Residents wishing to be subjected to this beneficial itinerary are instructed to bring 15 pounds of fresh meat.                                             – Gabby Haze