STATE MAY OUTLAW GRAVY

(Denver) There was white gravy on the floor of the state senate this afternoon as lawmakers discussed a controversial bill that would limit and, in extreme cases, even criminalize the consumption of gravy in Colorado.

Saying that the inclusion of gravy on such decadent foods as mashed potatoes and noodles is “too much fun for the Coloradans to handle” Senator Oral Noise (Unitarian-Aurora) called for a straw vote. This primitive approach to ballot bouncing seemed to confuse the gallery and sent most legislators into a tail spin. Noise called the move expeditious which, colloquially speaking, could mean the hand is quicker than the eye, according to his critics.

The governing body placed the bill on the summer docket due to a long held belief that “if the state can’t tax it the people don’t need it”. Other more conservative elements in both the house and senate fear foreign influence in the kitchen.

“Just when does gravy become sauce?” asked Noise.

The senate is expected to vote on the measure as soon as they’ve had lunch, a tough, dry salisbury steak served on white bread.

Gravy, a mainstay on the Western Slope has fallen into disfavor of late due to cholesterol-conscious helpers and tofu pirates who say the stuff is not good for you. Proponents of gravy say these people are under the assumption that the government has some sacred right to decide what we should pour over our food.

Gravy is currently legal in Utah and parts of Wyoming.