Snowboarder Collides with Blimp

(Crested Butte) An insurgent snowboarder sustained slight injuries today after crashing into the famous Goodyear Blimp high above town.

According to unreliable but amusing ski patrol sources the snowboarder lost control while “negotiating the totally hairy Macadamian Grunge Spinal Sequence at about 3 in the afternoon”. Missing his reentry coordinates by inches due to early ice buildup, the shredder was hurled through immediate space, slamming hard into the right side of the blimp.

The airship was present in local skies to monitor weather patterns, validate USFS drone use and to support law enforcement in its attempts to arrest everyone. Until this morning it had been disguised as a large prune so as not to alarm the local, mega-superstitious tribes that reside here in smoky river redoubts and burgeoning lice cave bivouacs.

“The blimp is fine and the kid would have been OK too if he hadn’t insisted on returning to earth,” snickered a patrolman below the scene. “Gravity can be nasty business.”

The snowboarder, here on vacation from Gunnison, called it his best day ever on the mountain. Still unidentified, he had cut afternoon classes at Western and hitched to the Butte.

“They don’t teach you about these kinds of experiences in physics class,” said the snowboarder.

According to spatial experts the chances of the wreck were all but mathematically impossible.

This episode marks yet another bizarre accident on the slopes this year. Why just last week second gnome owner and Oklahoma skier, Jimmy Jeff Gland ran head-on into a cow elk on East River Lift. Both survived despite a childish fistfight that broke out between macho lift operators and a herd of irritated bull elk that had arrived on the scene. Back in December Bebel Mateus, an attractive, exotic dancer/skier from Rio, was reportedly snatched from the Paradise Headwall (just as the lifts closed for the day) by dark, murky beings thought to be aliens from another galaxy or something.

– Fred Zeppelin