Saguache, Uncompahgre isolated in alien codebook

The Four Corners Department of Spacemen and Strange Visitors has issued a warning for Saguache County and the Uncompahgre Valley after intercepting coded messages from outer space. The hacked correspondence references these specific places in Colorado seemingly using them as poles, landing zones or even assault points.

“We are no more than Belgium in 1914 and 1940,” dramatized a bitter Lake City resident. Our two arrogant neighbors get all the press and we sit here with more landing zones than a three-legged sky diver.”

The decoded message has emerged as a coherent document from a crowded agenda of infantile babbling to power point plotting to jigsaw cross-referencing over the past 10 years. The clear reference to more remote locales on the planet suggests that potential visits from space personnel are not far off.

“Maybe they can make some sense of this mess,” said a Saguache cattleman. “Even the cows don’t know what’s expected of them and that isn’t much,” he spat.

– Dolores Felicidad