Roadworkahead Incorporated

(Silverton — Observations of Road Damage — September 3, 2015)

Welcome Roadworkahead, Colorado — the newest incorporated town in Colorado! The governor and others awarded official status this morning in response to the new burgh’s constant presence, consistent survival figures and longstanding operations in one location.

“People have recognized Roadworkahead as a real place,” said Sergio Jingles, Special Assistant to the Governor in the Forgotten Provinces. “They go there.”
The designation carries with it certain benefits and responsibilities such as lucrative pioneer funding and adaptation of rigid state norms. Already Confront Range money has built a bridge and a recreation center contingent on compliance to Colorado restrictions on noise and visual pollution.

Qualifications include length of stay, infrastructure and social measures that chronicle human interaction and mercantile activity.

“Roadworkahead is the classic city on the hill,” said Jingles, which must strive to become a town like all of the other towns in this great state. If these considerations are not met in one year we pull the plug and it returns to a bump in the road, an asphalt pumpkin.”

No votes, straw or otherwise, have been cast on the issue since there are no actual residents of the new settlement.

“We expect that to change when we complete construction on gated communities and public housing,” said Jingles. “Potential middle class inhabitants, dwindling like the light of a fall evening, can fend for themselves.”
Today a new leash law was imposed even though there are no dogs in the new town.

“We must have the positive variables in place before we open the doors to immigration,” stressed Jingles who added that the town was currently searching for a town council and a good breakfast spot.”
– Melvin Toolini