Polka, Olive Oil Life Enhancing

(Gunnison) People who regularly dance the polka and consume olive oil will live longer says a study conducted at Western State Universe here. The conclusions come as no surprise and the future is clear: We need more polka bands and we need to plant and cultivate healthy high-altitude olive trees along with the more traditional crops of onions and marijuana.

Researchers agree that long life expectancy in polka-friendly segments of Eastern Europe confirms their findings. They add that people in the Mediterranean region, whose diet is all but synonymous with olive consumption often live beyond the age of 100. Low stress, diet and rodeo participation were also factored into the formula that, of course, was measured in mule deer time.

Gluttony Replacing Travel Among Americans

(Grand Junction) Eating to excess is slowly replacing the desire to travel according to statistics compiled by the US Department of Health and Aimless Wandering. In January more than 52% of those tested gained weight while only 23% had the huevos to get on an airplane.

“It’s just that it’s easier to buy a package of Twinkies or eat at fast food emporium than it is to go anywhere,” said Melvin Toolski of the federal agency.”

Toolski added that most people become disoriented when faced with packing for even a short trip while what he called Tar Baby Security at the nation’s airports has made air travel chronically unpleasant and all but impractical.

“And this is not some cheap standup joke about airline food either,” he quipped.

Private Prisons need warm bodies! We already link education and health to monetary profit. Why not incarceration too? Invest today and share in the wealth. Plea bargains a dime a dozen through the end of the month. Ne clients: Can’t pay your bail? Grab a blanket.

Filed Under: Reflections on Disorder

Tags:

RSSComments (0)

Trackback URL

Comments are closed.