Macramé Hemp Condoms the Rage

(Western Colorado Crafts – Ridgway, CO – April 25, 2015)
In 2003 Wanda Epsonne was waitressing at the Wimpton Truckstop during the day and taking in laundry in the afternoon just to make ends meet. Now, thanks to growing public health awareness and the mastery of an ancient art Epsonne is knocking down seven figures.
Her cottage industry: Macramé condoms made from distilled hemp that she sells all over the world. The operation, employing 100 people and turning out 35,000 hemp/rubber sheaths per day, has drawn applause from some and criticism from others.
“We’re always looking for good workers,” said Epsonne, turning the interview into a help wanted advertisement. “The position requires someone who can macramé fast and has a sense of humor to go with it.”
Despite efforts to regulate the sale of the controversial items most are purchased by tobacco companies, seeking to diversify in the light of anti-smoking campaigns and a drop in sales.
“They have pulled out of the heavy tobacco manufacturing and embraced the burgeoning birth control market,” said Epsonne. “although our condoms are more than that. Who knows the level of functionality when these boys get done adding filters and chemicals? They lied once and they are doing it again.”
Sales are creeping up but 35,000 macramé condoms are quite a boatload. Epsonne says she hopes to stop reliance on tobacco companies to make her nut.
“We are reaching the cream of the crop, the people that know a good thing when they see it, but then there are the others, the sheep out there, that need a little two by four action. Most don’t even know what LSMFT means. Dumb bastards.”
A former Trojan cheerleader (USC), Epsonne moved to Western Colorado in 1998 searching for gold and a husband. Her first gutty venture, a home for displaced pigeons, never got off the ground while her choice of men left her waddling near bankruptcy.
The idea to create macramé condoms grew out of a desire to jumpstart the hemp industry while relieving the already overtaxed rubber plantations of Malaysia and Borneo.
“We want to create wanted jobs not unwanted children,” she said, “and make a fortune doing it.” – Susie Compost