Jingle Bells Banned by Religious Zealots

(Salvation City) The age-old Christmas carol, Jingle Bells is under fire from an ultra-right religious cult headquartered deep in the Snake Oil Mountains of Southern California. The People, a newly established sect that has condemned everything from dancing to driving a car after dark, made the announcement during a revival at Bakersfield last night.

“First of all,” began Rev Juan Wonge, leader of the group, “we have no problem with most carols but this song encourages sin and deprivation. Citing such expressions as “going all the way” and “bobtail”, Wonge feels that the relaxation of morals in the continual use of “spirits” will eventually cause the faithful to take a drink or worse over the holy season.

“Maybe we could negotiate, change a few lines and still include the song on our Christmas pageant, if we still believe in that sort of think by then,” he laughed. “In the interim anyone from this flock caught humming or singing Jingle Bells will be flogged.”