Japanese Purchase Hawaii

(Honolulu — Tokyo Rose Press — June 21,  2016)

Final details are expected today on the sale of Hawaii to Japan. With the closing slated for Friday, both sides appeared hesitant to disclose the deal. The selling price, although not official, is estimated to be twice what Bill Seward spent for Alaska in 1867 or roughly what the average Congressman spends campaigning each year.

The Japanese took control of the island after a gerrymandered vote in 2015 and at first agreed to a lend-lease /purchase. Then last month the Asian nation acquired rights to buy the islands outright.

The property in question was seized from the rightful owners by the United States. It later became the 50th state in the United States of America. Resentment toward the American occupation has shifted somewhat to the Japanese cultural domination over the past century.

“The islands fit the specific needs of Japan,” justified a realtor involved directly with the transaction. “We were all a little choked up to see her go but the expense at keeping the place up to snuff was breaking the U.S. budget.”

Critics of the arrangement hammered the Obama Administration over the sale even though they have demanded the government take a more conservative fiscal role.

“Let’s face it. They pretty much owned the place anyway,” said one Obama spokesman. “This was pretty much a formality.”

Profits from the sale are earmarked for a remodel of Puerto Rico, which has residents there quite concerned as to their future in this odd realignment.

– H. L. Menocken