IRS Takes Two Weeks Off

Ogden UT — Here Today Bulletin — September 25, 2106

In a drastic break with tradition the Internal Revenue Service and its Political Arm, The Department of the Treasury will take a two-week vacation starting in late May. Although the details of the adjournment were of corpse top secret, we have a few details to share with our readers.

The entire staff will fly to northern South Dakota where agents will be trained in the ancient art of turnip bleeding, using leeches and other parasites as allies in their hold work. Getting blood from the local turnips is considered a rite of passage within the taxing cult.

Last year gold agents discovered a stash of tax money buried out back that had been forgotten or discarded in 1994. Not knowing what to do, he and several of his accelerated counterparts set it afire. Due to the stank, clammy mold that had formed on the currency it took an estimated 3 weeks to smolder into molten ash.

Citizens who owe tax or citizens classified as fiscal/political prisoners should remain at home until the summation of this well-deserved furlough. Persons awaiting trial or sentencing are asked to pay up and avoid further inconvenience. The vacation, bankrolled by undocumented funds collected from the bowels of agency coffers, is the first of its type since 1935 when the entire Treasury Department visited Constitution Hall in Philadelphia on the way to apprehending Al Capone up in Chicago.

– Estelle Marmotbreath

“…when I reached Grafton Street, the pavements were like the top of an oven and I was glad for the high stool in the pub for the safety of the soles of my feet.”
– Brendan Behan, The Borstal Boy