Horseshoe Seeking Verbs, Adjectives

(Colona, CO  —  Snob’s Grammar Review  —  January 12, 2016)

The San Juan Horseshoe has begun its annual drive to acquire new and used verbs, at-risk adjectives plus a few goof participles for use in their media empire this summer.

Paralleling last year, the crisper adjectives and drawn out participles are attracting strong interest at market levels not seen since the inception of the King James edition of Robert’s Rules of Order (1702) and Papal-induced Break Neck Grammar For the Masses (1999).

The second anthology, published in South America under the title Hablar Adecuado o Pasar a Infierno (Talk Right Or Go To Hell) was pulled from the shelves after censors found evidence that corporal punishment and other masochistic rituals were repeatedly employed while studying grammar. Many of the atrocities were committed by nuns, the damage still apparent in some of our reporters who, it spite of it all, did learn to speak English correctly.

Smokey rooms tell the tale of discarded proper nouns, multi-syllabic verbs and dangling participles expecting a welcome committee.

Although there appears to be a glut in common nouns, articles, adjectives and the fleeting adverb or two the Horseshoe might consider accepting a paragraph or two of the hapless subjects and modifiers.

Anyone wishing to negotiated the procurement of said pieces of the language should call the paper between the hours of 10 am and noon before the May deadline. All prospective adjectives should be over 21 and have a spotless criminal record while any qualifying verb must produce a clean bill of health. Some experience in sentences and phrases is preferred. Yes, all will be tested for drugs and misspellings.

– Small Mouth Bess