Missing Link White House Bid Picking up Momentum

In what political scientists are calling the jolt of the election year, the Missing Link has methodically paced the pack and currently commands an estimated 22% of the Presidential vote.

Scientists and government officials seek to seize the Missing Link so as to study the genetic connection between man and money.

According to recent polls and leaning precincts the primate’s White House bid looked shaky just months ago before the elusive fugitive from justice began slamming the airwaves with ads and carefully campaigning by train and tugboat.

His quirky bid has picked ups steam in unlikely domains in what were once seen as staunch conservative regions while endorsements pour in from improbable alliances. Geneticists, behavioral scientists and zoologists have expressed support saying the Missing Link is younger than the two frontrunners and impartial in the burgeoning world of partisan politics.

And the campaign just announced that it had raised over 4 million dollars since the Link declared his candidacy. 90% of these funds will not be blown on marketing and glad-handing but rather used to feed hungry people all over the planet.

Plus he is a master at swinging from tree to tree, a talent that might come in handy if he is elected.

“Once either of the major parties got wind of this share the wealth socialism the Link was dropped from consideration as a feasible candidate,” said one Washington pundit. “Radical ideas don’t win elections. Money does.”

-Fred Zeppelin

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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