Feds, states terminate speed limits on highways

“Inconvenient and Depriving Me of My Freedom”

“We’ve had so many complaints from people who want to drive faster than the speed limit that we’re relaxing these long-held restraints.”

Those are the hollow words of Omega Man who adds that the entire sideshow is “pure folly”.

“We were inundated with confrontations, even brawls with angry, dispossessed Americans who say they won’t drive slower as prescribed by the gov’ment.” he rattled. “They were armed to the teeth.”

“They all threatened us,” sobbed Evonne Dimm, of the local asphalt users co-op in Manana. “You won’t infringe on my freedoms,” they said.  “Speed limits don’t work – Look at all the highway fatalities.”

Dimm went on to say that the people had spoken.

“In a democracy like ours , you know the land of the free, we listen to our neighbors, so I guess speed limits are a thing of the past. Let’s all try to work together to privatize our liberties,” she stressed dismissively.

Hasty actions are expected within the residue of the draconian face mask controversy but for now Americans are free to floor it and drive as fast as they choose.

“Speed limits are unconstitutional,” said one self-described pedal to the metal kinda guy. “It says it right there in the Puritan’s Progress.

-Alfalfa Romero

“The pro here told me if I took up golf I’d meet legions of beautiful women. So far I’ve only met old farts like me.”  -Melvin O’Toole, Dos Rios Golf Club, Gunnison, Colorado, August 25, 2020