Feds Bust Forest Animals on Pot Charges

(Gunnison National Forest Colorado  Fur Review  Nov 18, 2015)

In a major sting that has reportedly been in the works since July, hundreds of park rangers have detained and arrested an assortment of forest creatures that live here.

Early this morning campers and hunters were shocked to see cute quivering little bunnies and sassy squirrels in chains as they awaited transport to jail. Even marmots were apprehended according the eyewitnesses on the ground.

“This kind of trauma will stay with these innocents for many years to come,” said Dr. Evillio Tinkleholland who has been working with at-risk forest and plains mammals for 30 years. “It’s one thing to tag and harass these four-legged residents but this has crossed the line.”

Law enforcement sources had no comment on the proceedings this morning.
The bust, which many say is the result of federal frustration over legalized weed in Colorado. The state voted to legalize recreational use of marijuana and allow its monitored sale back in 2013 much to the chagrin of power brokers of Washington.

The feds still call the shots in “our” national forests, even though these lands are technically public recreation areas along with a litany of multiple use designations. Persons smoking cannabis within the confines of these vast land masses within the legal and established borders of Colorado are subject to arrest for breaking federal law.

Further invasions of “suspected national forest criminals” are slated for December with bighorns, moose and rocky mountain goats in the crosshairs of the investigative clampdown. Mountain lions and elk, along with the timber wolves we don’t have here will begin after Valentine’s Day. Bear, who are trying to sleep through all of this racket, will be accosted when they wake up in March or April.

So much for personal freedoms. So much for state’s rights. So much for pettiness. Where are the animal protection agencies on this one?

The arrested are expected to post bail and return to the forest where all their stuff is stored but they must wear radio ankle bracelets until a trial date, set for late 2019.

The action was lauded by states such as pot-scared Nebraska and Kansas who have little in the way of national forests, and the American Medical Association, which in collusion with the major pharmaceutical companies encourages the distribution of legal narcotics to human sheep.
– Melvin O’Toole