Excelsior to institute feedlot flights

(Nucla) Excelsior Comet, “The airline without chairs” is now offering a peasant class to passengers from Nucla to Naturita this spring. The experimental flights are priced at about half of existing economy class on most mainstream transports.

Although little else is known about the service, it is expected to be of he no frills variety. Daily jaunts are void of oxygen masks, parachutes and tiny bags of chemically induced pretzels and peanuts common to economy class.

“The innovative caste is quick and easy and gives economy travelers someone to look down upon,” said an executive baggage handler over in Naturita.

Excelsior retains the right to deny service to disruptive passengers but will no longer throw trouble makers out of its planes mid-flight.

The shuttle breakthrough reemphasizes the annoying mainstream airlines barrage of mindless, parrot-like announcements about smoking in bathrooms, approved electronic devices and appropriate life vest use over Nevada.

– Ophelia Fairheart