Elvis Living on Neptune Says WCU Prof

(Gunnison) The King, Elvis Presley, is alive and well on the planet Neptune according to a Western Colorado University professor who has been collecting evidence on the entertainer since his death in 1977.

Citing planetary sway and unmistakable sounds originating on Neptune, Professor Leroy Tinkleholland, head of the Department of Astronomy and Sports Medicine, contends that Elvis is living there.

“The planet is even developing a gravitational sneer much like the one popular with Elvis fans for decades,” he said. “Lately we’ve begun to see the initial plans for the filming of a bad Presley movie there and many younger Neptunians have begun dressing and acting like Elvis.”

Tinkleholland, speaking at the weekly Alien Night, hosted by the Alamo Bar, says Presley first visited Neptune to undergo therapy for drug addiction in the early Seventies. After falling from grace with fans later that decade he returned to rehab and has been there ever since. He offers no further proof of his curious summations.

Sources close to the professor remind readers that Tinkleholland is the standing expert of extraterrestrial doings in the Gunnison Valley. Research conducted since the Sixties has been held up as all but conclusive proof that space travelers were first drawn to this part of the world by the presence of rodeos and the cowboy culture.

“They (aliens) love to dress up like drugstore cowboys often showing up in ten-gallon hats and long-rider coats even in summer,” said Gary “Buck” Rogers, former publisher and fan of the professor’s work.

“I’ve never seen one of these space cowboys ride a bull. They swallow their chew, can’t rope worth a hoot and appear frightened of horses but they’re still hanging around the old corral. Look over there, in the corner…See that fellow in the Stetson and Tony Lamas. He’s not from around here.”

– Suzie Compost