Editor to attempt jump

(Kinikin Heights — February 25, 2015) A former high-wire great, turned copy editor at this very newspaper, will attempt to hurdle the Black Canyon of the Gunnison in a 1984 Honda 250 grocery cart it was disclosed by the special events department this morning.
Fellow scribes at the San Juan Horseshoe say Melvin O’Toole, of the Maher O’Tooles was coerced into the stunt by radicals in the advertising department that insist the performance will prop up dwindling sales before the holidays.
O’Toole appeared rattled at the follow-up press conference held on the porch at the Coffee Trader in nearby Montrose. He did not answer questions and had what close friends called “a far-away look in his blood-shot eyes”.
Readers may recall O’Toole’s attempted leap in a cardboard crate back in 2002, which resulted in thee months of hospitalization, and another six in physical therapy.
When asked why he would engage in such self-destructive conduct Toole muttered something about job security before ambling off into the cedars.