Economist Predicts Steady Growth for Western Slope

(Western State Bursar’s Office – Gunnison – January 2o, 2015)
A noted local Bland Valley economist had good news for Western Colorado today saying that healthy growth is here to stay. He assured cynics, packed into the St. Roscoe’s Holiday Bazaar, that major logistical control groups such as children, puppies, lawns and hair will achieve unprecedented growth while fringe segments such as trees, fiscal committees, marijuana gardens, personal opinions, magpie flocks, income taxes, suburbs without cities and grocery prices will maintain a solid, stable rise through 2015.
The San Juan and Elk Mountains, formed some 175 million years ago, will see little monetary expansion or geological development. Voter behavior, the U. S. Congress, credit card responsibility, reading and language skills, television and general brotherly tolerance will remain stagnant according to revenue clairvoyant Diane F. Dollars, of the Rare Coin Institute in Fruita.
While the projections were well received, most in the audience had hoped for clearer, more concise indications of their fiscal futures. Macro or micro, the entire picture is not foolproof nor does it claim to represent all walks of life.
“People who get up every day to go to work and people who sleep all day can expect the same quality of life,” said the protected source. “Persons who have inherited wealth and those who make minimum wage will see little difference while life will offer much the same to bankers, journalists and other petty thieves.”
Dr. Enselmo Sturgeon, Director of Urine Analysis at the University of Downtown Delta and a respected voice on such matters as blanket investments and pillow talk, says the forecasts are invalid since they do not break down the behavior of producers and the lethargic within society as a hole.
“Sure growth is much like the food chain,” he gestured. “Some eat and some go hungry. Survival itself is a victory be it in the jungle or up in the mountains. What remains essential is the human desire to succeed.”
Joining Sturgeon in this confederacy of optimism are incumbent politicos who, unlike potential challengers and out-of-luck party candidates, point to positive trends real or imagined, in their appraisal.
“We realize that this adventure in economics is only a summation of statistics, peppered with silly measures such as consumer confidence and low interests rates,” said Dollars. “We don’t suggest buying another yacht or maxing your credit cards. It’s a sensitive issue to say the least and many of us are not all that comfortable talking about money with strangers.”
– Aaron Greenspam

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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