Dust Mites Make Great Companions For the Elderly

(Pea Green, CO – Nov 28, 2014) The despicable dust mite just may be the answer to the growing epidemic of loneliness in the aging population here. A shadow research group, aligned with the pharmaceutical industry, has suggested that the microscopic parasites may make great pets.
Doctors have concurred that dust mites are quite compatible with people and offer company without a lot of work.
“As a pet the dust mite has no equal,” said a physician with links to the insurance industry. “They don’t eat much, are generally housebroken, don’t need much exercise and aren’t demanding when it comes to the owner’s attention.”
These traits are considered attributes when it comes to the elderly caring for a pet. Researchers remind us that the positive impact of having a pet around the house is substantial, and can be quite rewarding for all parties concerned. Now with the appraisal of dust mites completed, they see many of the traditional inconveniences of pet ownership to be a non-issue.
“It’s the right pet at the right time,” said one doctor who has manned the senility ward at St Roscoe’s since 1960. “I myself have several and enjoy them almost like they were my children.”
Another senior says she shares her small cottage with thousands of dust mites annually.
“They bring their friends and families into my home in return for a little small talk,” she winked. “They’re much more involved in my life than my house plants or the sea turtle I rescued from the surf at Atlantic City in 1920.”
The above source says she talks to the dust mites and takes them for rides in her car on the weekends. (After a little snooping we found that she does not own a car).
Scientists, standing down after months of tedious exploration, assure us that there is no shortage of dust mites in Colorado but warned that their number is not infinite.
“There are plenty of these little parasites to go around and there is no need of hoarding,” said someone involved somewhere in this ridiculous story. – Fred Zeppelin