DOW poised to rebrand “highway deer”

(Denver) The Colorado Division of Wildlife will be reclassifying many herd animals this month in preparation for summer viewing season. The personnel restructuring seeks to relocate often raggedy backwoods deer to areas closer to motorways while appointing the boring road deer to more remote spots where most tourists do not go.

“The idea is to place the more playful, acrobatic animals in full view of visitors keeping to the main arteries.,” said one DOW source.

“These are the deer tourists see while driving. We need them to do something besides stare and eat grass.”

The DOW feels that their wards in the mountains jump and play all the time but that the tourist does not venture far from the confines of tourist bubble coordinates and may have a diminished experience in Colorado.

“Besides creating a positive natural experience for city folk the project allows deer to see a little more of the world.”
Acknowledging that an increased safety hazard may lurk in the shadows of the program officials feel the deer will adapt to the newer surroundings and avoid busy highways.

“We’re not monkeying with migration patters, water sources or dropping animals in downtown Denver,” said the source. “We’re all in the entertainment business here in the Rockies and out summer guests love to see wildlife from the perceived safety of their vehicles.”

Elk, moose, bear and lion will not be affected by the move.

– Kashmir Horseshoe

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