Mandatory Unemployment Bill Passes House

(Denver) Amid gay marriage resolutions, NRA-sponsored recalls and marijuana tax codes a controversial new bill requiring residents to take at least a month off from work per year has narrowly passed the House here. The plan, which calls for a sharing of resources by the established work force, is aimed at reducing, even eliminating, bothersome employment statistics once and for all.
“In simple language we are striving for full employment on paper,” said a representative from Cahone who demanded animosity. “If Colorado has more job seekers than jobs then it stands to reason that the jobs be spread out more effectively.”
At present state determination of unemployment numbers is based on data compiled on behalf of only those who apply for Unemployment Insurance and does not calculate those who are simply without work and have not registered or do not qualify for assistance.
When finally implemented the program calls for more leisure time and an increase in legal diversions available to the idle. If a resident has held down a job for twelve months he will at some time have to relinquish his post in favor of someone who is out of work.
“That’s how they do it in Europe,” said the Cahone source. “How else could all of those sidewalk cafes be so busy in the middle of the workday?
The bill may have trouble passing the senate in that most of the elected members take recess amounting to about four months of relaxation and another six for campaigning. That leaves about two months to change society for the betterment of all.
“Most of my colleagues are way out of touch with the everyday struggles of their constituencies,”said the source, “so don’t expect them to cast a favorable vote. They fight every time the subject of minimum wage comes to the docket and don’t know the price of a carton of bread or a loaf of milk.”
It is hoped that the amendment will become law since it could both increase productivity while giving people more time to sit on their fat arses and watch important television programs.
– Manual Flushe