Clampitt May Run

(Tin Cup) Jed Clampitt has pretty much stayed to himself since his retirement from the Beverley Hillbillies and the death of his major sponsor, Buddy Epsen, in 2003. However the weighty political climate in the country has worked its magic on the often-stoic leader of an Appalachian family that discovered oil in its backyard.

“Fortunately for these United States all of the extended Clampitts are still surviving so I have a ready-made cabinet. Jethro, Granny and Ellie May would be a perfect fit as advisors while other characters might fill in the openings just like on TV,” smiled Jed. “Mr. Drysdale has already spoken to me about a position with the Treasury Department and Miss Hathaway could run the CIA. That leaves my favorite cousin, Pearl Bodine, as the first female Vice President!”

“Let me be candid here in saying that we can’t do any worse than the current bunglers,” stressed Clampitt, embracing an austere disposition.

Although he has not yet thrown his worn-out old hat into the Presidential ring Clampitt told reporters that if elected he would not say anything but rather cook opossum pie for everyone.

“That alone is a welcome departure from all the side winder mouthing we’ve been accustomed to since Jefferson,” said a delegate who had just become aware of Clampitt’s possible bid.

Close advisors implied that if Clampitt wins the White House he will disband the electoral colleges since he himself didn’t finish grade school.
  – H. L. Menoken