Census Bureau “Foggy” Over Loss of Stats

(Washington DC    It’s Not Our Money Gazette   November 27, 2015)

Population statistics painstakingly collected in 2010 are feared lost due to a shredding frenzy in the capital. That’s one theory. The census numbers, gathered and calculated during an intense six-month effort, appear to be history according to a bevy of federal agencies, none of which are accepting the blame for the colossal snafu.

The gov’ment, scurrying to whitewash the foul up has yet to face the music insisting that the census results are “around here somewhere” and “will turn up”. That’s theory number 2, or maybe 3.

Mounds of trimmed gov’ment issue paper discarded in dumpsters behind at least 15 different federal buildings suggest otherwise.

The official Census Bureau position is simply that one of its high-ranking analysts took the population count home with him and has failed to return.
“It’s like losing a set of car keys,” said Bambi Bombi, a supervisor of some sort. “It could happen to anyone.”

Meanwhile at shredding central the search continues. Critics say the feds should simply own up to the mistake before it reaches scandalous proportions. Republicans blame President O’Bama and the Democrats are attempting to deflect negative publicity so close to an election year.

The Census people are reportedly “getting down” (to the bottom of all this mess) and have identified certain persons of interest who may have engaged in sabotage or terrorism. Why anyone would want to destroy a worthless and inaccurate roster like the Census makes little sense.

“Motives be damned,” said acting director J. Thespian Footlights. “We are left without our statistics. Without names and numbers we cease to exist as a valid government agency.”
Both political parties are already engaged in compiling patriot census figures that, as might be expected, favor certain agendas. The GOP says everyone is quite content while the Democrats say everyone is pissed.
A herd of university mathematicians is expected to arrive Friday to concoct a new formula for counting the burgeoning population here and in other parts of the world. -Eamon O’Murgatroy
“The Yurok people of Northern California would not talk to dogs for fear of them talking back – source “Short Nights of the Shadow Catcher”. We don’t know if the tradition continues today.