All Entries in the "Lifestyles at Risk" Category
The best place to stay in Jardin!
The owners of La Boira, Xavier (from Barcelona) and Soley (from Pasto) really know how to treat their guests. The house, located less than two kilometers from the town of Jardin, is beautiful. The views are spectacular and the rooms perfectly appointed and very comfortable. After 40 years of traveling, this place is right up at the top of my list. Hospedaje Rural La Boira was an immense pleasure.
AMA Rethinks Twinkies
(Duluth, MN — The Surprise Inside Report — March 7, 2016)
The American Medical Association is again swaying its opinion on Twinkies now that Monsanto is set to perform extensive testing its own brand of the ultra-sugary treat.
For decades the conservative medical mouthpiece for doctors in the United States has taken a more practical line condemning such foods as barbecued potato chips, Moon Pies, canned refried beans, Cocoa Pebbles and most frozen TV dinners as unhealthy and potential dangerous to one’s health.
Now, in a 180-degree shift, the pill lobby is telling us the genetically modified junk food is OK.
“The biggest shift is in the sugar food groups,” said Dr. Weeban Lackluster of Pea Green Chemicals. “We all know people need a minimum sugar intake but now its OK to eat more!”
Of late, those happy words “Eat more” have resonated off cathedral ceilings and barn doors and all over the Rockies, as people shift into full consumption mode for summer.
“If sugar is going to kill you why worry if it’s genetically modified or even spiritually enhanced?” laughed the doctor. “The entire conversation about hyperactivity in children (one long associated with sugar intake) is meant for the psychology classroom and not for the overworked parent who slaps a toaster strudel into the kid before he goes to school, or packs Twinkies in his lunch.”
Although dentists continue to insist that sugar is bad for the teeth, several food producers are calling for the resurrection of genetically altered junk foods into the health food category.
“We have found that our fried wontons, barbecued chips and especially Moon Pies contain mounds of support fiber while TV dinners are an excellent source of monosodium glutamate,” said Lackluster.
“If we can convince little kids that they are eating real sugar when they are eating our chemicals it should be easy to convince an adult they are eating a real peach when they are munching on our “special peaches” we will have won. Then we can sell what is produced for pennies for dollars and control the market. What they hell….we’re all gonna be dead someday anyway.”
– Rufus Maxwell
DAILY BULLETIN BOARD
In case you missed it while you were asleep a secret Presidential election took place last night at approximately 3:11 EST. Projected winners vary depending on what corporate media you may have tuned into this morning. Despite the actual vote, several candidates were awarded a lion’s share of the super (and not so super?) delegates.
With the reenacted election just eight months away, politicians may just as well terminate their governing charades and just campaign the year round.
“We have no Democracy and a crumbling Republic in 2016,” said the ghost of Eugene V. Debbs an avowed union leader who passed away back in 1926. “We hold races for delegates instead of real elections. We have discarded the concept of one man – one vote for electoral colleges. The entire process is a sham and getting worse. No governing – just campaigning and more empty promises.”
Don’t you just love The Donald’s body language and unrehearsed sneers? Isn’t it clever how Hillary posts so many smiling minorities behind her while she lectures away. Both are phonies. The only candidate with integrity, Bernie Sanders (but he’s one of them socialists) clearly won Colorado but our free press declared Hillary the winner!
Meanwhile the GOP, that political columnist Charles P. Pierce compares to the Whigs of 1852, is in chaos. Turtle-headed Mitch McConnell and rodent-like Paul Ryan plot to save a sinking ship while Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio embrace religious fantasies, goose-stepping to the celestial fields.
In a related story. Astronaut Scott Kelly, who this week returned from a year-long sojourn in outer space has reportedly requested to be sent back “up there”. Kelly said that in light of the electoral circus on earth he might like to stay in space a while longer.
“Just until they sort things out down here,” explained a spokesperson for the astronaut. -Melvin O’Toole
March 3, 2016
“Take these two pills and Caldas (Ron) me in the morning.”
– Pharmacist in Manizales, Colombia
Congress Will Work For Free Beginning in 2017
(DuPont Circle — Brahmans for Breakfast — March 2016)
Agreeing that “we’ve have had it easy time of it” here in the United States of America, Congress today voted unanimously to forgo paychecks and other benefits and spoils attached the office.
In addition to a ridiculously inflated salary the elected officials would terminate lifelong health insurance and pensions.
“It’s about time we privileged few give back to the needy in our country,” said Oral Noise (Unitarian-CA). “I could think of some great places for the money to go. Head Start, school lunches for poor kids and general education come screeching to mind.”
The majority of Senators agreed to drop the name Honorable from their titles since most do not exhibit that quality.
“We were already rich when we got elected. We don’t need the money or the entitlements long associated with the job,” said Erma Oil, who has served in the House for 115 years.
On the heels of the announcement new chatter has emerged suggesting that the governing body simply disband.
“Think of the money we’d save if we didn’t exist at all.” said Noise. “Let the states and local governments make their own decisions and see where that gets us. I can pretty much guarantee we wouldn’t be bombing other countries,” he winced.
No further discussion on the subject is slated although a committee has been formed to study ways to cripple the lobbyist culture that has permeated bad air in Washington since 1782.
– Daddy Long-Legges
Summer ’16 to be juried event
(Colona, CO February 28, 2016)
Persons vacationing in Western Colorado next season will be doing so by invitation only according to a resolution adopted last night by Colorado Brie Country. While most tourists will be invited back, the roster will be determined by a jury of residents who will make all final decisions on the matter.
“Once the final invitation list is released there will be no exceptions,” said Jack Spratt of Gladstone Amusements. “This is an occasion where less is more. We think the people included in our official observation of summer will experience a more meaningful vacation without the fringe element in attendance.”
Spratt chose not to comment on rumors that the United States Border Patrol will be employed to keep intruders out of the inter-mountain region through September. Unreliable sources here and at the foot of Storm King confirm that the feds have been invited in.
“They did one crack job at keeping illegal Latin American immigrants out of Maine,” said one member of the jury. We think they can do the same for us.”
It was not clear how this decision would affect restrictions on water sales to the Confront Range next spring. At present any exchange must be approved on a bucket by bucket basis until that region realizes that growth without water cannot be tolerated on either side of the Continental Hayride.
– Zorro DesPlants
Irishman Busted in Lighter Heists
(La Paloma, Uruguay February 23, 2016)
Tommy Thompson didn’t need the lighters. He has ample funds to buy as many of the smoking accessories as he might ever need. It was just a game, one that went terribly wrong.
Now, under house arrest at 22 Patricia Way, in this seaside fishing village he remains unrepentant despite a threatened incarceration.
Here’s what happened: Thompson, from Ballyferriter (Baile an Fheirtearaigh) on the Dingle Peninsula, kept a drawer full of dysfunctional cigarette lighters in his kitchen/bar. He had red ones and blue ones, white ones and purple ones. When unsuspecting guests arrived to drink beer he watched them closely. More often than not they would place their lighters on the table in front of them. Then without warning, when they weren’t looking he’d switch their good lighters with one of the used up lighters from his evil drawer. Despicable!
Finally, as with all lives of crime, he got caught. Although details are sketchy it appears that the local police had wind of his plotting and sent an undercover agent with a case of beer. Thompson could not resist the gift and invited the agent in. That was when the trap was set and the cat got the mouse.
Thompson who is appealing the decision on the grounds that he is colorblind stands little chance of shedding the accusations. If convicted he will spend a weekend in jail in Chui, his favorite town.
– Senor. Panuelo
