All Entries in the "Featured Peeks" Category
Spring Remedial Geography QUIZ
Try this one! Which state does the Utah Jazz call home?
That’s an easy one. But with ongoing federal attempts to improve education for all, we must arrive at some common denominator. That’s the point of the following: Along the lines of current dulce dome thinking, if everyone succeeds and scores in the 90th percentile that must mean education is functioning right along with everything else in society.
If it’s not fixed don’t break it.
So let’s get those literacy rates up. The schools are already there so let’s go ahead and run them all summer! It is with the application of these simple solutions that euphoria will overrun our basic social institutions and we will achieve the goal of more ineffective education for all. You betcha. Amen.
1. In 1883, Mark Twain wrote Life on the Mississippi. What river was he talking about?
a. The Gunnison
b. The Missouri
c. The San Miguel
d. The Mississippi
2. In what country do the Chinese reside?
a. Japan
b. Holland
c. Wyoming
d. China
3. What four state capitals where named after former American Presidents?
a. Austin, Phoenix, Columbus and Sacramento
b. Madison, Lincoln, Jackson and Jefferson City
c. Montpelier, Carson City, Baton Rouge, Winston-Salem
d. Hoover, Wilson, Roosevelt and Nixon.
4. Is Alaska farther north than Alabama? When?
5. What do Oahu, Maui, Hawaii and Kauai have in common?
6. In what country is Norwegian the official language?
a. Sweden
b. Finland
c. Norway
d. Chad
7. In what country are the Austrian Alps located?
a. Mexico
b. Austria
c. Italy
d. Germany
8. The saying “When in Rome do as the Romans do” is attributed to what city?
a. Paris
b. Rome, Italy
c. Rome, New York
d. Antwerp
9. Rapid-fire daily double!!! Name two countries that touch the Indian Ocean. What does the Continental Divide divide? What city in Georgia is named after Christopher Columbus? Ohio?
10. What country did Rickey Ricardo come from?
a. Pakistan
b. South Africa
c. Cuba
d. Bolivia
11. Over what nation was the Battle of Britain fought?
a. The Nation of Islam
b. Canada
c. England
d. I don’t know. I wasn’t alive then. Maybe Utah.
12. What country dominates the Mexican Peninsula?
a. Costa Rica
b. Venezuela
c. Mexico
d. Tijuana
13. Which has a larger landmass, Greenland or Iceland? Russia or Monaco? Saudi Arabia or Israel? Australia or Denmark?
14. What is the literal translation of Newfoundland?
a. nice doggie
b. new found land
c. Codfish paradise
d. big, cold trailer park on the way to the Arctic Circle.
15. Just who named Hudson Bay?
a. James Brown
b. Little Richard
c. Henry Hudson
d. L.L. Bean
16. The Scottish terrier was bred in what country?
a. Yes
b. Iran (Persia)
c. Scotland
d. Luxembourg
17. What country is known for Swiss cheese and discreet banking practices?
a. Czechoslovakia
b. North Korea
c. Switzerland
d. Haiti
18. Spell Egypt.
19. What’s the difference between North Dakota and South Dakota?
20. If you had Prince Edward in a can where would you keep him?
a. Britain
b. Nova Scotia
c. Prince Edward Island
d. North Carolina.
Send your answers and $15 to Box 1209, Ouray, CO 81427.
If you are chosen you will receive nothing. Thanks for taking the test.
Bomb Threat No Substitute for Poor Planning
SPECIAL FROM THE MADRID SQUID WRAPPER & WRESTLER
(Madrid) Hector Gomez running was late. His whole family was running late and, upon further examination, he found that his wife and oldest daughter had not yet begun to pack. It was 11:15. The plane was scheduled to depart at 4:00 and the airport was at least an hour away. He had six round-trip tickets to Morocco but the whole expensive excursion was in serious jeopardy.
What’s a father to do? The only sensible idea is to call in a bomb threat on the flight. That way the departure time would have to be postponed while security people searched for the bomb, and the Gomez family could make the flight and would not have to forfeit their fare. What could be simpler? He looked around at the mess that was his home and got on the phone.
“I’d like to call in a bomb threat,” he said. “On flight number…just a minute…I have it here…Flight #7728 to Morocco.”
“And where is your departure city, sir?” asked the voice on the other end.
“Why Madrid, of course.”
“Is that first class or coach?” asked the voice
“It’s for the whole plane,” Gomez shot back wondering about all the questions.
“Will there be carry-ons?” the agent continued.
“For a while,” Hector laughed, “then the whole plane is going up!”
He was enjoying the exchange having experienced robotic, bored-to-death agents in the past and now finally having one of them over the barrel.
“So, exactly what kind of a bomb has been employed?” asked the agent.
“I don’t know. It’s just a regular bomb, you know with a fuse and some explosives attached. I’m an accountant not an explosives expert…Wait,” thought Gomez realizing that if he wanted the airline to believe his story he would have to be more specific…”It’s a ticking bomb in a brief case, a brown leather briefcase…with a Real Madrid decal on it. Yeah, and it’s welded to the landing gear!”
“Wow, that’s pretty impressive,” said the agent. “I can see you’ve gone to a lot of trouble to pull this off, huh?”
“Yeah, well it’s no trouble at all thank you,” Gomez replied.
“So what time’s it supposed to go off?” asked the voice from the other side.
“Oh, about 5:00 pm,” he said.
“That’s right during supper,” gasped the clerk. “That won’t do. Can you reset the thing for later?”
“Say what? Are you out of your mind? I have a bomb about to go off and you’re worried about people getting their chicken croquet, cold, stale roll and jello?”
“Sorry, Mr…..But we have to pay attention to these kinds of things. Now, are you a member of our miles award program?”
“Why no, what’s that?”
“It’s an incentive program that rewards you for frequent flights. It’s…”
“Wait a minute. I’m calling in a bomb threat. I don’t want to join any clubs and I don’t particularly want to fly these days with all the terrorists and gunslinger pilots on board.”
“That’s nonsense. Flying has never been safer. Why we haven’t had a major crash since last Tuesday. Your taking a bigger risk out in a lightening storm, eating canned meat or driving on the freeway. Where are you calling from anyway?”
Then it hit Gomez. This agent is attempting to keep me on the phone to determine my point of origin so she can call the cops.
“How stupid do you think I am?” asked Gomez. “I know you’re just trying to keep me on the line so as to identify me. You want to keep me talking while you determine my present position…Well it won’t work. Now let’s get back to the bomb.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to put you on hold while I check through my employee manual. I’m kind of new here and this is my first legitimate bomb threat.”
And at that, Gomez is left to his own devices. Should he get off the line and protect his position or stay on to make sure she buys his threat. Then the agent returned.
“OK, Mr. Boom. I have the information and I’ll pass it along to our security people. We’d be happy to get back to you but you’re so secretive and all…Just so I get this straight: The bomb has already been placed or will you be placing it this afternoon?”
“As I have already stated the damn thing is welded to the landing gear!”
“Now there’s no reason to get surly. I’m just doing my job. There are procedures that must be followed with this kind of thing…airline policies that must be respected.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get short with you. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. It’s already 11:30 and my family isn’t even packed yet…”
Gomez caught himself. He had almost given himself away.
“So you’ll be traveling with how many?”
“Twelve,” lied Gomez, trying to draw her off the scent. “Three babies, a deaf aunt, my wife and her six cousins.”
“My that’s quite a crowd but it only adds up to eleven. Who is the 12th ticket for?”
“It’s for me.”
“Oh, well have a great flight.”
Suddenly Gomez was interrupted by his wife, Alvira, who had taken a break from her packing to tell him that there were two husky Guardia at the front door asking for him.
“I’ve got to run,” said Gomez to the ticket agent. “There’s someone at the door.’
“Bye now,” whispered the voice at the other end of the line.
– – Alfalfa Romero
EPILOGUE: Gomez is currently serving the first of ten years at the Malaga-by-the-Sea Correctional Facility. His family, miraculously enough, finished packing and made the plane that day. Despite heightened security, they actually boarded on time for supper. The flight was pleasant and they reportedly loved Morocco. Visiting day is Wednesday but they are usually late.
Amenaza de bomba no puede sustituir a una mala planificación
ESPECIAL DEL WRAPPER MADRID SQUID y LUCHADOR
(Madrid) Héctor Gómez funcionamiento era tarde. Toda su familia estaba haciendo tarde y, tras un examen más detenido, se encontró con que su esposa y su hija aún no había comenzado a empacar. Era las 11:15. El avión estaba programado para salir a las 4:00 y el aeropuerto era por lo menos una hora. Tuvo seis pasajes ida y vuelta a Marruecos, pero la excursión caro todo estaba en serio peligro.
¿Qué es un padre a hacer? La única idea sensata es llamar a una amenaza de bomba en el vuelo. De esta forma el tiempo de salida tendría que ser pospuesta mientras que la gente de seguridad registraron la bomba, y la familia Gómez podría hacer el vuelo y no tendría que renunciar a la tarifa. ¿Qué podría ser más sencillo? Miró a su alrededor en el desastre que fue su casa y se puso al teléfono.
“Me gustaría llamar a una amenaza de bomba”, dijo. “El número de vuelo … sólo un minuto … tengo aquí … Vuelo # 7728 para Marruecos”.
“¿Y dónde está la ciudad de salida, señor?” -preguntó la voz en el otro extremo.
“¿Por qué Madrid, por supuesto.”
“¿Eso es de primera clase o entrenador?” -preguntó la voz
“Es para todo el avión”, disparó Gómez de nuevo pensando en todas las preguntas.
“¿Habrá equipaje de mano?” el agente continuó.
“Durante un tiempo,” Héctor rió, “entonces todo el avión está subiendo!”
Estaba disfrutando el intercambio de haber experimentado robóticos, aburrido hasta la muerte agentes en el pasado y ahora, finalmente, tener uno de ellos sobre el cañón.
“Entonces, ¿qué tipo exactamente de una bomba se ha empleado?” -preguntó el agente.
“No lo sé. Es sólo una bomba de regular, ya sabes, con un fusible y algunos explosivos conectados. Soy un contador no es un experto en explosivos … Espera”, pensó Gomez darse cuenta de que si quería la aerolínea para creer que su historia tendría que ser más específico … “Es una bomba de tiempo en un maletín, una cartera de cuero marrón … con un Real Madrid calcomanía en él. Sí, y está soldado al tren de aterrizaje!”
“Wow, eso es bastante impresionante”, dijo el agente. “Puedo ver que has ido a un montón de problemas para sacar esto adelante, ¿eh?”
“Sí, bueno, no es ningún problema en absoluto gracias”, respondió Gómez.
“¿A qué hora se supone que se van?” preguntó la voz desde el otro lado.
“Oh, alrededor de las 5:00 pm,” dijo.
“Eso es correcto durante la cena”, exclamó el secretario. “Eso no va a hacer. ¿Se puede restablecer la cosa para más tarde?”
“¿Qué dijo? ¿Estás loco? Tengo una bomba a punto de estallar y usted está preocupado acerca de las personas que reciben su pollo croquet, frío, rollo rancio y gelatina?”
“Lo siento, señor …. Pero tenemos que prestar atención a este tipo de cosas. Ahora, usted es un miembro de nuestro programa de premios de millas?”
“¿Por qué no, ¿qué es eso?”
“Es un programa de incentivos que le recompensa por vuelos frecuentes. Es …”
“Espera un minuto. Voy a llamar a una amenaza de bomba. I no quieren unirse a los clubes y yo particularmente no quiero volar en estos días con todos los terroristas y los pilotos pistolero a bordo.”
“Eso es una tontería. Flying nunca ha sido más seguro. ¿Por qué no hemos tenido una grave caída desde el pasado martes. Tu tomando un riesgo mayor en una tormenta eléctrica, el consumo de carne en conserva o en coche por la autopista. ¿Dónde estás llamando de todos modos? ”
Entonces golpeó Gómez. Este agente está tratando de mantenerme en el teléfono para determinar mi punto de origen para que pueda llamar a la policía.
“¡Qué estúpido crees que soy yo?” preguntó Gómez. “Sé que estás tratando de mantenerme en la línea para identificarme. ¿Quieres seguir hablando mientras me a determinar mi posición actual … Bueno, no va a funcionar. Ahora volvamos a la bomba. ”
“Oh, lo siento, voy a tener que poner en espera mientras reviso en mi manual del empleado. Soy una especie de nuevo aquí y esta es mi primera amenaza bomba legítimo”.
Y ante eso, Gómez se deja a su propia suerte. ¿Debería bajar la línea y proteger su posición o quedarse para asegurarse de que compra su amenaza. Entonces, el agente devuelve.
“Está bien, señor Boom. Tengo la información y lo voy a pasar a lo largo de nuestra gente de seguridad. Estaremos encantados de volver a usted, pero usted es tan secreto y todo … Sólo para que yo lo entiendo : La bomba ha sido colocada ya o va a ser lo coloca esta tarde “?
“Como ya he dicho la maldita cosa está soldada al tren de aterrizaje!”
“Ahora no hay razón para ponerse hosco. Sólo estoy haciendo mi trabajo. Existen procedimientos que deben seguirse con este tipo de cosas … políticas de las aerolíneas que deben ser respetados”.
“Lo siento. No quise conseguir a corto contigo. He estado bajo mucho estrés últimamente. Ya son las 11:30 y mi familia ni siquiera está lleno todavía …”
Gómez se detuvo. Casi había delatado.
“Así que usted va a viajar con cuántos?”
“Doce”, mintió Gómez, tratando de extraer la esencia. “Tres bebés, una tía sorda, mi esposa y sus primos seis”.
“Mi eso es una gran multitud, pero sólo se suma a las once. ¿Quién es el boleto para 12?”
“Es para mí”.
“Oh, bueno tener un gran vuelo”.
De repente, Gómez fue interrumpido por su esposa, Alvira, que había tomado un descanso de su embalaje para decirle que había dos fornido Guardia en la puerta preguntando por él.
“Tengo que correr”, dijo Gómez a la agencia de viajes. “Hay alguien en la puerta.
“Hasta luego”, susurró la voz en el otro extremo de la línea.
– Alfalfa Romero
EPÍLOGO: Gomez actualmente cumple el primero de diez años en el Centro de Málaga-by-the-Sea Correccional. Su familia, milagrosamente suficiente, terminó de empacar e hizo que el avión ese día. A pesar de una mayor seguridad, que en realidad subió a tiempo para la cena. El vuelo fue agradable y, según informes, querido Marruecos. Visitar día es el miércoles, pero por lo general son finales.
New! Click the words above to edit and view alternate translations. Dismiss
Google Translate for Business:Translator ToolkitWebsite TranslatorGlobal Market Finder
Turn off instant translationAbout Google TranslateMobilePrivacyHelpSend feedback
GAELIC SHIPS LAND IN WALES
(Editor’s note: Last night I had a happy dream, as sweet as it could be. I dreamed that then brave Irish men had set old Ireland free).
(1644) A combined force of Irish and Old English Cavaliers remains anchored just off the coast of Wales at Cardigan Bay this morning. As the sun rose thousands of well-armed Irish troops began their cross-country trek toward London.
As expected, Welsh regiments joined the Irish in their attempts to snuff out the abuses of the Roundhead element under Oliver Cromwell. Background: These forces, along with Royalists loyal to English King Charles I, had been embroiled in a bloody civil war since 1642. The year before Gaels in Ireland had arisen in an attempt to drive out the plantation settlers who were given large tracts of land in Ireland in return for loyalty to Elizabeth I. These lands were taken from the native population many of whom now lived an impoverished life in their own country.
Saying that they’d rather have the Irish than Cromwell or the King, for that matter, the Welsh were relieved to know that the Irish would not stay.
“We do not want England,” said Finn MacCool, a Celtic warrior. “We just want England out of Ireland. They’ve cut down our virgin oak forests and confiscated our farms while forcing the earls of Ulster from their lands. We don’t bloody like them.”
Despite these emotions the Irish promised not to harm the English peasantry, who they say are pawns in the evil master plan to subjugate the world.
“We’d just like to teach them to read and about all the cultures of these islands,” said Hugh O’Neill, Earl of Tyrone. “It is through this kind of understanding that we can avoid future conflicts and live side by side in peace. Ignorance is the enemy of all men. How do you think these Puritans rose to power in the first place?”
Many English cheered as Druids priests condemned the practice of witch burning and the harsh philosophies of the Puritans.
“These barbarians must be stopped,” said Brian Boru, victor of Clontarf. “There will be no peace with these religious zealots under arms.”
The Irish high command in Kinsale has offered amnesty to any Puritan soldier who surrenders. Those who do not will face the sword or a life of slavery in the Caribbean. Although both the French and Spanish governments had pledged assistance in the punitive action against Cromwell the Irish declined the offer.
“We ourselves can handle the situation,” said O’Neill.
– Finbar O’Haille
My Grandma’s Irish Stew
Actually this recipe comes from my great grandmother, Mary O’Brien, who moved to New York from County Tipperary in 1858.
*Fry equal portions of lamb and beef in flour and oil (About one pound of each)
*Add eight medium size potatoes and a dozen carrots.
*Add three stalks of celery, 1/2 an onion and two small cloves of garlic.
*Put ingredients in caste iron cook pot, cover and simmer for twenty minutes.
*Salt and pepper to taste
*Add two fifths of Paddy’s Irish whiskey
*Simmer for 45 minutes. Serve with soda bread and pilsner of Guinness.
If any portion of the above ingredients seems too extreme feel free to cut back on the suggested amounts. For instance: Maybe there are too many carrots for some tastes.
– Kevin Haley
DISNEY EYES COMMUNIST THEME PARK IN CUBA
(Havana UPS) Unconfirmed sources within the Disney corporate network have announced plans to pursue the rights to the construction of a Communist Theme Park here in Old Havana. Alluding to the fact that Cuba is the sole heir to the Marxist ideology, Disney wants to document that period in history with frightening roller coaster rides, sub-tropical sweetmeats and tumultuous economic amusements aimed at recording the ongoing social experiment.
Despite the large campaign contributions from Cuban dissidents in Miami, world opinion will dictate changes on the island. Politicians in the Estados will soon be forced terminate the bully approach and make peace with Cuba,” said Mickey Duck, vice president of pasteurized cruise lines for Disney. “and when they do our systems will already be in place, insuring visitors from the north that they can set foot on Cuban soil without really having to deal with any Cubans. Our hermetically sealed vacations are the stuff of which legends are made,” he said. “Dirt is out and the sterility is in.”
At present, however, negotiations are at a standstill. The Cuban government wants portraits of fatigued Fidel Castro and the late Che Guevara displayed all about the park while the Disney people are holding firm on trademarks, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck. and Goofy (coincidentally the logo of the U.S. Department of Cuban Affairs since Castro came to power). In this clash of ideologies insiders confirm that money will win out over revolution.
The Nortes are so sure of the outcome that they have already sunk millions of dollars in the planning stages. The structure of the proposed park is expected to follow the Disney blueprint with segmented attractions following distinct themes. Most of the rides in the exhilarating, yet squeaky clean, Caribe Village will be built with parts from Fifties era autos that currently line Havana’s streets and back alleys. Attractions like the Joe Stalin Mustache Ride and the Batista Whirl are sure to be favorites.
A dazzling, antiseptic Third World Night life park, offering safe, diluted 3.2 rum drinks and politically incorrect hand-rolled Monte Cristo cigars at inflated prices, will rock until at least dark. Although clean jean Disney stockholders, uncomfortable out of their Puritan comfort zone have began squirming at the thought of vices within the confines of the park, they are expected to bow to lucrative fiscal projections (profits). This sector will be built next to the loud, brightly colored Habanaland, which celebrates the golden age of Cuban music and dance despite the almost forty-year economic embargo.
Sugar Cane Denial Land, chronicles CIA efforts to sabotage desperate Cuban attempts to harvest its major crop in the Sixties. (It was legitimate. The god-less commies were sending sugar to Russia). A proposed haunted house complete with snarling Communist bogeymen is sure to be a hit. The Latin American version of Frontierland will substitute Bay of Pig exiles for warpaint Indians and Russian missiles for coonskin caps according to Disney spokespersons.
Finally, in what is perhaps the most demanding challenge to date, Disney will wade into the surf with Cuban Flotillaland (rhymes with tortillaland) with 24-hour ferries from the island nation to the Florida Keys. This theme will be carried over like a video game only involving real Cuban gunboats, desperate economic refugees and the vigilant U.S. Coastguard.
Virgin charter flights are already being arranged from Canada, Nassau and Mexico.
– Richard “Santiago” Ricardo
