Carbon Footprints Suggest Homeless Had No Shoes in 5000 BC

(Sandlfoote, CO) Impressions of what appear to be post-Neanderthal feet have led scientists here to believe that early Homo Sapiens too were hard-pressed securing food, surviving freezing caves and avoiding predators to worry much about their .

“Actually we have yet to determine exactly who was homeless and who was simply en route or wandering around looking for dinner,” said Dr. Efram Pennywhistle, Fellow at Cal Polygamy. “Maybe shoes had not been invented yet which would certainly throw off our DNA test cases. Animal skins that work well to cover the legs and torso are of little use on the feet since they are clumsy and offer little shelf life do to harsh planetary surfaces,” he explained. “And what about the proverbial gatherers?”

The footprint samples collected, stretching from Finland to Gibraltar, number in the thousands and scientists are scurrying to chronicle movements and label superstitions in an attempt to provide this meaningless information to progressive cobblers and generations to come.

Many eons later the only group to possess shoes appears to be churchmen of the day. The shoes were an integral part in their wading through the multitude of holidays that they subsequently stole from the pagans, tweaked a bit, and established as the Christian holidays we know today. Then came the Dark Ages with the loss of freedom and the embrace of the inherent goodness of man.

“They even stole ancient gods and goddesses and changed them into their formula saints and the like,” said Pennywhistle. This was expedient and often much cheaper than establishing new religious icons of their own.”

Whether these “early junior executives” of the Vatican Corporation had shoes is as yet  inconclusive.”

-Alfalfa Romero

“When the tree falls the monkeys will scatter.“ – Chinese saying from House of Xiao, 1816. Metaphorically referring to institutions, families, governments, good and bad.