Brothels Still Fuming Over Lotto Disbursements

(Gothic, CO  —  August 13, 2016) Local brothels in these mountains are accusing the Colorado Gaming Commission of misuse of public funds. Insisting that funds collected from gambling in the state have not been dispensed in accordance with the law.

“Despite the initial agreement insuring that a percentage of the take would go toward recreation, we have not seen a lousy dime,” said Flaura Pure-Tater, a well-preserved madame from the 20th Century. Our industry was founded and has thrived on the concept since the beginning of time.”

A class-action suit has been filed in Denver and known employees of the State of Colorado have been barred from erotic premises until further notice. A moratorium on activity may be extended to include vendors and others who do business within the confines of the Colorado Lottery. One private operator, Ruby Siesta, has moved her operation over to Schofield so as to “undress the undercurrent of wailing and palpitations while the amorous wait it out.”

The ill repute forked out much needed support when the idea of a state lottery first appeared, thinking it would be included on payday. Now they want a chunk of the change.

Prostitution was legalized in Colorado in 1876 and to our knowledge that eminent legal standing has never been altered. The state has some 35,000 houses of merriment operating from Burlington to Cortez. Most, however, are reserved for out-of-state religious zealots who buy fishing and hunting licenses.

“If we get an honest judge we can beat these penny-ante big gamers before they pull back their winnings,” snapped a militant Siesta. “It’s either that or we pull up stakes and move to Utah.”

– Uncle Pahgre

“Who cares what the rest of the world thinks of us!”
– overheard at the GOP Convention, Summer 2016.