BLM Admission on Creation Theories Told

(Bland Valley August  24, 2016) The Bureau of Land Management today admitted that it had neither created the Garden of Eden nor played a hand in the creation of the world (as we know it). The disclosure comes after hours of courtroom paper-pushing and bad drama.

Despite the fact that many attached to the BLM remain convinced that the agency created the world, they will kept on in support capacities until retirement. Many appear transfixed by the notion that the BLM was somehow once located in the Holy Land or in Branson, Missouri. Others have embraced a militant sagebrush cult, which recognizes (and some say worships) large chunks of managed land.

“It’s cheaper than reeducation camps and we all know what happened in Cambodia,” said Ellie Hawker, executive director of Dusty Canons and New Lizard Species somewhere’s west of here.

Whether the acknowledgment will have any real effect on the way people sip tea in Bombay is anyone’s guess however the shake-up has generated a maze of new cattle guards and wild flower warning signs despite, as any true woodsman would agree, the symbiotic relationship shared by the two arterial improvements.

The announcement comes moments before a swarm of Biblical scholars were slated to take the stand. Many had arrived only last night from such remote and inconvenient locales as Detroit and The Fertile Crescent.

“That could have gotten very expensive,” said one courtroom clerk. “Donuts and coffee for Bible scholars who rarely tip. God will know.”

The prosecution planned a bull rush tactic aimed at smothering any dialogue on the subject of creation, while the defense had hoped to show that the BLM was just keeping the land for God until he or she decided what if anything to do with it.

How this development might affect things over at the Division of Wildlife, the Department of Motor Vehicles or the U.S. Congress was not clear although insiders expect heads to roll.

– Alfalfa Romero

“I’ve been up here so long I’ve got saddle sores on my libido.”
– Wrangler, Charley Horse, complaining about the length of cattle roundups, Gillette, Wyoming, May 3, 2016.