BEST USES FOR LEFTOVER FRUITCAKE

Are you as tired as we are of lame fruitcake scenarios? We chose 20 of our favorites from the recently released 10,000 Uses For Fruit Cake by Macon (Ga.) Bros. Press. Here they are:

1. Soft, absorbent airport runways and circuit boards for computerized baggage claim systems
2. Spongy, edible lifts for shoes
3. Decorative moss fireplace grout
4. Trail tofu for herd animals
5. Backup house trailer skirting
6. Windshield scraper/breakfast bars
7. Candied stick deodorant
8. Sure-grip roofing supplement for safe snow removal
9. Tear-away political platforms
10. Astroturf
11. A backup center for the Denver Nuggets
12. Dog house insulation
13. Congressional dart boards
14. Leak-proof chinking material
15. Canvasses for bad western artists
16. Jigsaw puzzles
17. Patching for the ozone
18. Square frisbees
19. U.S. Constitution grips
20. Succulent decoupage
-edited for clarity by Estelle Marmotbreath (Leftover Fritcake in her own right)